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Pairings: Kibum/me Jonghyun/me Jinki/me Ninja!Jongkey Platonic ONJONGKEY
Rating: Pg13-Nc17 (depends)

I finished getting dressed and grabbed my bag and phone from my side table, I would have to check my email on the bus ride to work. I made my way to the living room only to see Kibum still in my kitchen putting away my dishes, “Kibum ah~ what are you?”  He quickly picked up his bag and went to put on his shoes, “You didn’t tell me goodbye...You look amazing by the way. Love the sweater.” I play punched his arm, “You bought me this sweater.”  He chuckled and as soon as I slipped on my pointy toed purple zipper flats I pushed him out the door.  I then shoved him into a cab and walked to the bus stop telling him that I’d maybe see him later.  It took me about half an hour to get to work and once there I was up to my neck in clothes trying to figure out what the heck to put Jinki in for this interview he had.  By the time he got there I had pulled out dark grey jeans, a light smoke v-neck and a navy pea coat with high top boots.  An intern gave him the clothes while I was on a conference call with a boutique.  By lunch it was time to go to the interview meet up which ran smoothly.  His manager kept him busy for a good while after it was over and I sat finishing up some work on a tablet I had borrowed from the office.  “Crystal?”  He sat down next to me in the hall and I finished up what I was working on quickly, it was the first time the entire day he had spoken to me other than to greet me or check his clothes and things. “Mmm? are we done now?” He nodded and I followed him out to the car to head back to the office.  He went off with his manager for another long while and I returned the tablet after uploading my work to my boss’s PC and then had nothing to do. I wondered if I should just wait around in the office for him to come find me for this get together or date or whatever the hell it was that he was taking me on or to just go home and wait for him to call me or something. After waiting 20 minutes in the office updating myself on the news I decided to just make my way home as he might have had a last minute schedule pop up or was having a business conversation in the conference room on the fifth floor. 

                I stopped to get a bubble tea and was walking out of the shop when my phone rang, “Hello?” I already knew it was him but I didn’t want to act like I was waiting for his call. “Sorry the day went on a little longer than I thought it would. You left already?”  I told him that it was fine and that he had things to do and that I was just getting a bubble tea  and was about to head home.  “I still want to take you somewhere it’s still not too late right?” I took a sip of my yummy drink and smiled, “No it’s not too late where is this place you wanted to take me?” I walked to a bus stop and sat down on the bench, “There is this restaurant by the Han that is really amazing, quiet, with a great view.  I once heard Kibum talking about how much you like water.” My smile got wider, “What’s the name of the restaurant maybe I have heard of it?” He told me and I had actually not heard of it so I asked for the address and asked if he wanted me to go there, “Yeah, that would be great.”  I tried to keep my voice from sounding too excited and told him I would see him soon.

                It took me a while to find it because he didn’t know the exact address and it didn’t show up on GPS.  Once I did find it though I was surprised because it was so nice. It was a bit small inside but it had two floors and the upstairs had full windows from floor to ceiling so you had an amazing view of the river.  The lights were kinda dim so the place had a warm feel and low smooth jazz and r&b ballads played over the PA. He was already there sitting in the back by the huge windows taking a long drink of water from a huge water glass. In the light he was kind of beautiful and handsome at the same time my nerves kicked into overdrive but I tried to keep cool.  He caught me coming towards him and smiled and there went my heart, “Hi.” I sat down across from him taking a good look at the view, “Wow so beautiful. This is so nice you weren’t kidding about the view.”  I looked at the lights across the river and a bridge that wasn’t far away in the distance, “Yeah it is beautiful.” I turned my head to face forward and noticed that he quickly looked down at the menu in front of him, “So…have you been here a lot? how did you find this place? The atmosphere is really relaxing.”  He flipped the menu in his hands over, “I’ve been here a couple times a uhh… friend of mine told me about it. It’s pretty low profile.” I nodded looking around seeing that a waiter was coming over to us. “I see the other half of your party has arrived can I get you anything to drink miss?” I asked for tea and water, “and does the gentleman already have what they would like to order in mind?” He put down his menu and looked to me, “There is this one dish I love here. I recommend it.”  I asked him what it was because I was allergic to some things, “It’s a chicken dish.” I smiled, “Sounds good then I’ll take your recommendation.” He told the waiter the order and then handed him the menu’s. “So what did you do after we parted yesterday?”  I laughed telling him about going to the comedy club with Key and Sending Jjong a funny picture to cheer him up. The whole time we were waiting for our food he asked me a lot of the usual first date personal questions and it really made me want to laugh because we had known each other for almost a year now but it seemed he barely knew much about me at all.  Then the food arrived and he looked so excited and once I saw exactly what it was I was too. It was like a spicy fried chicken and noodles dish, “OMO this looks so delicious! I love spicy things.”  We both ate and gushed over how good it was.  He made me laugh a lot and every once in a while I would say something that made him laugh too. The best part was how much he was smiling the whole time.  When we were finished eating he had a bit of sauce on hip bottom lip, “Jinki ssi you have a bit of… right here.” I pointed to my bottom lip and I thought he was going to pick up his napkin to wipe it but no he took his thumb wiped his lip and licked the sauce off his thumb.  It was almost like I could feel how big my eyes grew and it was like the entire movement was in slow motion. In that moment I think is when I knew I wanted this to happen desperately.

                I felt my mood shift from then on, “You know I have never walked the Han river at night.” He took a drink of his water and looked out at the view, “Really then I should introduce you.” I chuckled a bit, “Really? You don’t have to be back early?” The waiter came with the bill that Jinki quickly paid with a card, “Nope I drove so I can come and go as I please.” … I mumbled,“I miss driving a lot.” The waiter returned with Jinki’s card and I exused myself to the restroom for a second, “Go ahead I should go too.” I walked into the restroom and checked my mascara that sometimes smeared after a while and then took out one of those one use toothbrush things cause I knew my breath probably smelled like spicy chicken then I smoothed my hair a bit before meeting him outside the restaurant.  “Ready to go?” I nodded and we walked down to the waterfront.  Almost immediately he grabbed my hand, “So what do you think?”  I knew he was talking about the river but I answered about him, “ absolutely amazing.” He smiled and I swung our intertwined hands between us.  He stopped walking and turned to face me undoing our hands to turn me towards him and fixed the hair sticking out of my hat, “I think I can answer your question from the other day now.”  I looked into his eyes though it was too dark to fully appreciate them, “Really?”  He grabbed both of my hands, “Yeah… It’s defiantly both.”  He leaned down his cheek next to mine and whispered in my ear, “You laugh at all my jokes and smile whenever I smile. You have a different expression almost every minute and  it’s just naturally fun to be around you. You mesmerize me.” I shuddered at the last sentence it was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever told me.  I closed my eyes letting out my held breath as he ran his thumb over my bottom lip, “Is it okay if I like you?” My heart gave out and I gave a little nod, “ne.”

                The first kiss, it was everything you could ever want one to be; sweet, gentle, and loving in a beautiful location with no one around. It left me breathless how amazing a kisser he was. When we pulled apart he licked his lips and I felt the heat pool in my stomach from how sexy that one movement was, “I have a confession to make.”  He lifted his eyebrows in interest as he rubbed my hands in his to warm them up, “Is it a good or bad confession?”  He let go of my hands and I adjusted the collar on his coat, “It’s a good one.” He tilted his head waiting for me to continue, “I’ve kind of had the biggest crush on you for a very long time.” I blushed scarlet finally getting that off my chest. He gave me a hilarious greasy look, “Oh really? Are you my fan girl?” I covered my face to hide my spazzing while he hummed, “Yeah I am a Jinki ssi fangirl. That’s okay right?” He grabbed me up into a hug and I froze, “I like it this way! But why didn’t you say anything earlier?”  He was so warm, “Because I work with you and the guys, it’s kind of frowned upon in the office to be a fangirl of your coworkers. Liking you guys is okay but being an actual fan… I don’t even know if it is allowed at all.” He hummed again, “Well if that is not allowed then you’re really in trouble because dating coworker might get you thrown in a dungeon.”  I lifted my head to look him in the face, “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” He gave me a small squeeze and kissed my forehead, “Ne, if you are willing to break the rules.” His slightly manly cuteness was too much so I latched onto him a bit more plus he was so warm. “Now what do we do?” He pulled out of the hug and grabbed my hand and put it in his coat pocket, “Want to go for a drive?”  I almost felt like skipping to the car but thought he would think I was TOO excited about dating him if I did that so I kept my cool and followed him to his car for the drive he suggested.

                We had only been dating for a day and had agreed to keep it quiet for the time being. He had dropped me off at home and gave me a sweet goodnight kiss after our drive. The next day at work I had to be with all five guys for a concert event for the lunar New Year.  I was super busy because I was also helping out f(x) who was performing as well because one of their main stylists had gotten a case of food poisoning.  I barely had time to eat the whole day and I had to tell Kibum that I couldn’t talk more than three times  it was a good thing a bunch of his friends were there to distract him. Once everything was over I had to stay and clean up which wasn’t new to me I just wasn’t used to practically doing it all myself. By the time everything was done it was 9 at night so I decided to catch a quick bite and go home. I walked into a ramen shop near my house and sat at the bar instead of at a table.  when my bowl was placed in front of me I warmed my hands with it smelling the yummy goodness. I had just pulled apart my chopsticks and was about to dig in when my phone went off it was a video call. I pressed accept and there was Jjong and key on my phone’s screen.  “Hello Hello!” they sang in english, “Hello! What do I owe this video call for?”  Key was the one holding the phone and looking everywhere but at me, “Where are you? You aren’t still working are you?”  I moved the phone so he could see my food, “Nope I was just about to eat dinner. You interrupted my first bite.”  Key looked at Jjong who shrugged his shoulders, “We are calling because we are a bit disappointed in you.”  I tried to make it look like I was offended, “What are you disappointed in me for?” Key turned the phone to Jinki who was sitting in the living room with headphones on and probably had no idea he was being video at that moment, “For not telling us that you are dating that our precious leader.” He swung the camera back to Jjong and him and Jjong quickly put in his two cents, “I didn’t even know you liked him like that at all.” Key nodded at his words telling him he himself didn’t even know until recently and then Jjong was like, “Way to keep us informed there chingu.” I gave a sarcastic laugh, “Yah~ wouldn’t I be considered a bad friend if I had talked about me liking your friend and bandmate after you just broke up with your girlfriend HMM?? “Oh Jjong sorry about the whole dumping your girlfriend thing let me tell you how much I find your friend totally my style.” Yeah Jjong that would be real classy.”  He had his mouth open to say something but decided against it so Key continued, “You could’ve said something to us today though I mean it was shocking for Jjong to see a picture of you in hyungs phone that was taken late last night after he had told us he was going to meet a friend.”

 I knew the picture he was talking about. It was one of me sitting in the passenger seat and I had drawn a heart on the window in the fog. “Sorry. I was kind of busy today.  My dinner is getting cold you know.” They both walked over to Jinki and tapped on his shoulder, “Jinki hyung! Why did you not tell us you went on a date with Crystal last night hmm?” He turned off his music and looked at the phone to see me looking impatient, “Did you tell them?” I shook my head, “I saw her picture on your phone today while I was looking for a phone number.” He looked to Jjong, “Going through my phone without asking again? Well I guess it’s too late to yell at you now.  Did you two call to harass her about it?” Key turned the phone to him, “You are dating this?” I raised my fist, “You want to die?” Jjong grabbed the phone, “ Really Crystal? Jinki ?”  I picked up my chopstick agitated, “Don’t pretend that you have a problem with it. You’ve told me tons of times how much you appreciate Jinki and how he looks after you. I would really like to eat now can we talk about this later hmm?”  He gave me a dissatisfied look, “Fine we will just bother him instead.” Jinki yelled in the background and Key pushed into the shot, “We will talk tomorrow!....Say goodbye.” He pushed the phone into Jinki’s face and he winked at me which only had Key and Jjong yelling that he was greasy but he just waved  quickly before the two boys turned the phone back on themselves, “We are going to go for now but don’t think we are letting you off easy. Eat well.” I smiled at those two dorks and told them I promised to talk to them tomorrow and that they should sleep well.  They laughed making a heart with their hands before the hung up and I let out a small giggle at their ridiculousness. I loved those two idiots. I put my phone back in my pocket and surprisingly my ramen wasn’t cold as ice.

                The next week and a half was extremely busy after the lunar new year holiday the guys had a Japanese fan meeting and a few music show appearances in Tokyo that would be over the valentines holiday weekend.  I was planned to accompany them and I was very excited as it would be the second time I would be visiting Japan.  I found myself gushing to Kibum about the amount of unique inspiration I might be able to pick up while we were there.  Because we were all so busy me and Jinki had barely found time to go on actual dates but we had managed two kind of normal ones. On lunar new year he gave me the calendar I saw him buying the day I ran into him at the stationary store. I was so surprised that it was for me and I asked him why he thought to buy me a calendar with bunnies all in it. He told me that I always seemed to get mixed up with the schedules because my phone’s calendar didn’t hold all the multiple individual schedules plus my own at the same time. He was right my phones calendar was not equipped for all the different schedules I needed to have in it at once. I figured out pretty early that he was extremely thoughtful and tended to remember anything important you told him. The other date we had had since then was similar to our first except we didn’t have time to get dinner so we just sat in the car drinking smoothies and talking about a book he was reading.

Bestie 5/?

TITLE- Bestie 5/?
Pairings: Kibum./me Jonghyun/me Jinki/me NINJA! Jongkey Platonic ONJONGKEY
Raiting: pg13-nc17 (depends)

Another few days past and I saw little of both Kibum or Jjong. I had been swamped with work and I found myself sitting on my floor back against my couch with my legs stretched out in front of me just zoning out. I probably should’ve caught up on much needed sleep but I had a feeling in my gut that was making me feel anxious.  I decided to just try to forget it so I threw on a jacket, hat, and a pair of boots and went out into the snow.  I walked on the street I had grown to know like those I had walked again and again.  I had nothing to do and just took to roaming. You found the most interesting places like that sometimes if you were lucky.  Though the most annoying thing about luck or fate is that is always tended to come at you when you are the least prepared or aware of it. I was down a back road when I stumbled across an interesting store selling specialty stationary gifts and trinkets as well as just random cute knick knacks.  I looked into the store after the window display caught my eye and I saw someone very familiar, though from the glare I wasn’t completely sure and since I was going to go in anyways so I slowly opened the door and poked my head in.  It was him and I smiled wondering what he was doing in this kind of place it totally didn’t come off as his style. He didn’t notice me at first even though we were the only customers in the store besides the owner.  He was reading something that looked like a book but was too overly decorated to be really be one. I guessed it must have been a journal or a calendar.  I looked at that the cute stamps and different cute paper wondering who he was shopping for or if it was for himself.  As far as I had heard from his dongsaengs  he was still single and currently didn’t seem to be interested in anyone in particular.  As I continued to browse and see tons of stuff that was so undeniably cute but I would probably never use because it was too cute, I got closer and closer to him. 

I wanted to laugh because I didn’t remember him having this bad of peripheral vision.  I was so close that I could now tell that in fact the book was actually a personal calendar.  “Lee Jinki.” I whispered and he quickly closed the calendar in surprise. He stared at my face and cutely smiled recognizing me.  “You were so into that uhh calendar right there that you didn’t hear me come in or even see me look around for a minute. Is the calendar really interesting inside?  He clutched at the calendar and all I could see that indeed the cover was decorated with cute bunnies.  “It’s a little late to be buying a calendar though isn’t it? It is already February.”  He slid the calendar behind his back real smoothly, “It’s a lunar new years’ gift.”… “OH! Well then you will be perfectly on time. Funny randomly running into you here though I just stumbled upon this place just now.” He looked surprised, “Really? You were just walking around and happened to stop in front of this store and see me from the window?” I nodded yeah, “Oh c’mon coincidences like that don’t happen like this in real life. Kibum told you where I was didn’t he.” I shook my head a bit, “I haven’t talked to Kibum all day.”  His mouth twitched when he asked if Jjong had told me and again I told him no I really just stumbled upon it. He still seemed to think I was messing with him but I would never lie to Jinki or at least I don’t think I could do a very good of it even if I tired. His smile was the kind that turned me into a babbling mess.  He seemed pretty distracted and I figured maybe he was shy about buying the present for whoever it was for so I reluctantly decided to give him space to make his purchase without me hovering. “Well I’m just going to continue looking around I’ll let you go. Do you have a schedule later today?”  He nodded, “A  very late recording. Do you like this kind of stuff?”  I smiled amused, “I find all of this stuff cute but most of them are too cute for me to use. Doesn’t almost every girl like cute things?” He smirked and walked to the cash register quickly paying for the calendar and walked back to me who was looking at the journals about to start looking at the calendars. “Hey would you like to get a cup of coffee or something?”  I of course said yes and he ushered me out of the store quickly leading me to the coffee shop around the corner. He put the wrapped up calendar into his bag that he was carrying.

                As we stood in line to order I started to feel nervous we had never spent so much time alone without any members or staff around. He leaned in near me his voice low, “How do you take your coffee?” I forgot how to breathe for a moment and then awkwardly whispered back that I didn’t drink coffee but a hot cocoa would be lovely. His eyes squished up with his smile and my heart flip flopped, “that’s cute, do you want whipped cream?” It was about time I admitted to myself that I had a huge crush on Jinki and I pretended to think over the whipped cream while I watched him watch me pretend to read over the menu while I was deciding. He made me feel giddy like a 12 year old with their first big crush, it was bad.  “Why not live dangerously and go with no whipped cream and skim milk.” That smile graced that face again, “I take it that way too you don’t mind if I copy you right?” I shook my head no and that I didn’t mind at all. It was so obvious I was a nervous ball of fuzz because I was sure that almost every time he had seen me I was either bickering with Kibum, focused on work, or dealing with Jjong. I had no idea what he thought of me considering he had the small mismatched parts of my personality that I didn’t lump in when it came to describing my personality at all.  I sat down at a table waiting for him to come with our drinks hoping perhaps he had asked his members about me as they did know me best out of everyone in this country.  He walked over all smooth while I was practically about to fall out of my chair probably at any minute from trying to hide my happiness.  I thanked him trying to give a grateful smile which probably was in no way cute or grateful looking.  He smiled and I picked up my cup pretending to take a long sip while I was just trying to calm down and figure out what the hell to talk about. God this whole thing was awkward but he talked before it got bad, “You said haven’t talked to Jjong in two days?”  I was surprised he started the conversation talking about his members but I guess he thought talking about my friends would make me more comfortable.  “He calls me when he feels like it. You know better than me how busy that chingu is. You’ve defiantly talked to him more recently than me.  Is he acting strange or something?” 

His face stayed vague of emotion which I wasn’t used to, “Not really Jjong is Jonghyun. He has definitely gotten over the break up though it seems well more like he is writing himself over it.” I finally got, it he had thrown himself into writing. “Well that explains everything then, good for him this will probably influence his writing style for the rest of his career.” He found my statement interesting, “Why do you think that?” I took a sip of my now perfect temperature cocoa, “Anything hugely personal that has affected you tends to stick with you and often pops up in various angles in your writing often times subconsciously. It can be the most therapeutic thing well at least I always found writing to be that way to me.  It probably varies from person to person.”  He watched me trail away in my thought process, “You write things?”  I nervously nodded, “I used to write lyrics to songs I knew would never be. I guess you could say they were more poems with a lyrical format?”  He shifted his cup on the table top, “You don’t write them anymore?”  I tilted my head a tiny bit, “no not since I moved here. Though I’ve had fleeting inspirations. It always tends to stem from fleeting random inspirations. I remember I wrote one about a handsome stranger who sat a few seats back from me on a bus ride who had extraordinary eyes that seemed to hold the world that I couldn’t help but steal a picture of him when we both got off at the same stop and I apologized for my rudeness immediately after.”  He seem fascinated with my short tale, “Did that really happen?” I smiled and shook my head no, “Never happened once. It all came off the top of my head after I was thinking about what a possible cute chance meeting could be and that just manifested itself. It was a terribly rough composition because the flow seemed to match one of a folk song…basically it had no flow at all but the story I still am fond of.”  He seemed to relax into his seat a little more, “It’s sounds like a great lyrical poem. Do you have any more you are fond of?” I scooted forward in my seat resting my forearms on the table, “I have a lot actually but they aren’t as charming as that one.  The others were very personal probably a lot like the ones Jjong might be writing right now.  One that is almost as clear in my head today as it was the day wrote it is actually of destroy my own written word itself.  Of getting rid of the painful memories, mistakes, and forgotten dreams I had written down.  It was liberating to write about getting rid of them completely in varying ways and how I felt doing it. How it felt to let all the physical evidence I had of them that wasn’t already in my memories disappear from my often curious eyes to find.” I let myself trail off realizing I was talking about stuff that way too serious to talk about with someone you barely but want to get to know better.  “Forgive me I got lost in my own head don’t take what I said too seriously.” 

                I wrapped both hands around my cup and looked up to his face which I had avoided the entire time I was talking about of shyness. “Did you have a lot of painful memories?” His gaze was gentle it made my heart sink. I fiddled with my fingers and said low, “a bit.” I tried to think of happy things like the person across from me because I knew a frown did not look good on me.  “I realize now why they hang onto you so much.” My eyes darted wondering, “you think you realized why painful memories hang onto me?”  He blinked, “No, no I was talking about Jonghyun and Kibum ah. You are a lot more than what you show on the surface.”  I was confused did he just call me two faced or something else. Why was he being so vague, “do you mean that I pretend to be less than I am? I can’t tell if you meant that in a good or bad way.”  His hand moved to touch mine but he held back, “No I don’t mean it in a bad way at all. You are a lot like Jjong but much more humble and a girl of course.”  His cool was giving way to anxiousness and seeing him as nervous as me made me relax a bit. “Jjong and I may be a bit alike because we are the same blood type, born in the same year, and have slightly odd quirks but we have way more differences than similarities. It’s the same thing with Kibum though me and Kibum’s obvious differences often have us bickering which for some reason we both find refreshing most of the time.”  I drank the rest of my cocoa when out of nowhere he asked, “Can I ask you a question?” I said of course and to ask away.  “Do you have feelings for Jonghyun?” I was surprised at his bold question wondering where he got the idea from. Did Jjong ask him to ask me? No that wasn’t like Jjong, he would ask me himself so Jinki must want to know for himself? “What kind of feelings do you mean? Love? Friendship? Annoyance?”  I though the last one would make him laugh but he kept his curious face, “Love feelings.” Me and Jjong were complicated but I was sure I could figure out how to simplify it, “I love him but not in the way you probably mean. It kind of straddles the line between that and friendship but most of my body is leaning on the friendship side. Does that make any sense I’m not even sure if it does but that is the best way I can explain it easily without going into it too much.”  His stiff shoulders relaxed, “It made sense… thanks for telling me.”  Now I really wanted to know why he asked so I fake giggled, “Did Jjong ask you to ask me if I had a thing for him?”  He said no. “So why did you ask that if you don’t mind me asking back?”  He drank what I assumed was the last of his own drink, “For a while I assumed that you might have but I never had the chance to ask.” I blushed embarrassed, “You thought I was in love with Jjong?”  He nodded, “At first I felt bad for you because he had a girlfriend, then I started to worry about you because you were helping him with that relationship, then you started to fascinate me because you seemed to have a way with him, which lead to me thinking about you, that lead to me wanting to know about you, which got us to here.”  I couldn’t believe the words that were coming from the mouth across from me, “Are you saying you like me or just find me interesting?” The pit of my stomach fell watching his mouth twitch into a smile, “Honestly I am not all too sure. I’ve been trying to answer that question myself.”

                I had no idea how to respond to that and took to tugging on the strings of my hat and shuffled my feet uncomfortably.  I had to say something though so, “There is no smooth way to respond to something like that.” He pushed his bangs out of his face with his hand and took a deep breath, “It’s okay I don’t really know what to say either.”  He was pulling on his sleeves now and gosh every single change of his expression and tilt of his head was adorable, “Do you want to like me?” His cute eyes went wide at my comment and he stammered to find words, “uhh…Maybe.” The bashful look he started to sport had my lips spreading into a smile and a light blush warming at my cheeks, “okay… well if you want to know anything just ask and I shall answer.”  He watched me talk and I admired his eyes that I found more and more beautiful ever second more I looked at them.  “actually I do have one more question.” I waited for him to ask with an expectant look, “Are you doing anything tomorrow night?”  I said I wasn’t sure and pulled my phone out of my coat pocket noticing I had two text messages from Kibum but skipped them and went to my messy calendar on my phone. “I’m probably going to be with you tomorrow night.”  He looked totally confused, “For a schedule? I thought we didn’t have anything tomorrow night.”  I wondered why he didn’t know about the interview he had the next day, “I have down that I have to go with you to an interview.”  He took out his own phone and fiddled with it a bit, “It’s in the early afternoon and it’s a quick one.”  I made an “O” with my mouth quickly pulling up kibum’s texts before I put my phone back in my pocket, “Oh well then I should be free….”  Kibum’s two texts consisted of him asking where was I and that he wanted to go do something. Then the second one was going to be free in an hour and to call him then.  “Keep it free. I want to take you somewhere.”  My eyes lit up, “Okay.”

                We talked for another five minutes before he had to go for his recording and when we split up my heart was still beating at a dangerous rate. I called up Key as soon as I sat down on the bus my shaky legs were in no way safe to walk home on.  He told me he had a long day and wanted to have some fun so I suggested he call up some of his other friends and we all go out and have a laugh.  I told him I would call up some of my coworker friends and we could make a party of it. Three hours later a huge crowd of us was at a huge table at a comedy club eating and trying to not spit our drinks in each other’s faces as we laughed.  I was having a great time catching up with my few girl friends I had and good chunk of Kibum’s idol friends.  My ribs hurt terribly from laughing and it was stuffy in the club from being so packed so I excused myself to step out for a second. Kibum was too busy throwing himself onto his friends as he laughed to notice me slip out and the fresh air was refreshing minus the whole being freezing thing. I wondered how long this party was going to go on for and looked at the clock on my phone.  I randomly got the urge to take a picture of myself in front of the club and send it to Jjong who was probably in his room attached to his laptop and headphones but maybe he would catch it.  To:Jjongie-  Having some jokes. Sending you something to laugh at. [Photo attached].  I took a picture that looked like I ran into the wall. That was sure to make him laugh and then I went back inside to tell everybody I would be heading home. 

                “But it’s early. Just stay okay.” He looked at his watch and then asked when this placed closed anyway. A friend  that two F.T Island members had brought said 1 am. “That’s like an hour from now you can stay that long right?” I mulled over it as I pulled out my vibrating phone, “Okay but I am going to need a drink.” He smiled and motioned for a waiter. I read the response from Jjong, “ kekeke idiot. Thanks for the laughter. Be careful on your way out that door might want to meet your face too. Kekeke” I texted him back, “How did you know the door was giving me the look when I walked through it earlier? Are you secretly here?”  The waiter placed my drink Kibum had ordered for me on the table and I took a long sip letting the cool liquid soothe my dry throat from laughing so much.  From: Jjongie- “hahaha No I am writing in the dorm. I saw the doors look of jealousy of the wall in your picture. Kekeke.”  I laughed at his clever remark, “ ^ U^ genius! Have you eaten? Sleep well tonight.” I turned my attention to a stylist friend of mine who worked for Cube and I asked her about her boyfriend.  From: Jjongie- “>3< thank you! Will sleep well.” I smiled and spent the rest of the time there talking with Hyomi until people started to leave little by little. Kibum got bored fast as soon as most of his friends left and dragged me out with the rest that was left into the night. “Let’s go.” I followed him and the random group until we got to the main street that had a bunches of people. “Where are we going now?” He linked arms with me, “uhh…I dunno let me ask. Hey where are we going?” The group said they were going to hongdae to maybe catch a indie show. Kibum wasn’t interested he wanted ice cream even though there was still snow on the ground.  “Kibum where are we going to find ice cream at 1 in the morning?”  He quickly said goodbye to his friends and kept me in tow to a family mart, “24 hours! WOW!” his lovely English lightened my mood as we dumbly bought ice cream and he walked out eating it. “Eat.” He said again in english.  I unwrapped my strawberry flavored bar thing wondering if perhaps tonight would be one of those nights where Kibum was so tired he was hyper.  “Want to go house.” Yep defiantly one of those nights. “Sleepy?” I asked him in english.  He nodded with the spoon still in his mouth, “Let’s go.” I took a bite of my ice cream as we got into a cab.

                We stopped at my apartment and I got out and turned to say bye to Key but he barreled out behind me, “Why are you getting out?”  He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, “Because we reached our destination obviously.”  He must’ve thought he could stay the night, “I reached my destination you are still about ten minutes by cab to yours.” He didn’t listen to me and continued to walk with me all the way to door. He put in my pass code and walked in talking off his shoes like it was his house. “Yah! Kim Kibum I have to take a shower and go to work tomorrow!”  He picked up skittles and asked him if he was hungry walking into the kitchen area to feed MY cat. “Kibum ah! I have things to do.” He walked over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders, “I’m fine with that. Just let me stay tonight I’m tired but I don’t want to go home.”  I stared at him like he had to be kidding me, “You can’t just spend a whole night here without going home you’d get in trouble.”  He shook his head, “No I won’t I’ve done it before and the others have done it a few times before as well. I’m tired Crystal just let me stay.” I gave up I was too tired as well, I’d take my shower as soon as I kicked him in the morning.  “You’ll have to leave early. I have work.”  He dragged himself to my room, “Don’t care.” I gave my cat a quick hug and followed my best friend to my room now so tired it was as if I hadn’t slept for two days.  I walked in on him changing, “Yah! Why didn’t you warn me huh?” He rolled his eyes at me, “Don’t act innocent.  Jealousy isn’t pretty.” I huffed bumping him away from my drawers to grab something to wear to bed, “Neither is being an asshole.”  He gave a loud sarcastic laugh, “So much class you have.”  I slammed my drawer shut and stalked into my bathroom to change and do my girly ritual and walked through the apartment turning off all the lights on my way back. He had already made himself comfortable and was going through his phone.  I yawned getting into the free side his fiddling reminding me to charge mine.  “Oh I forgot to tell you I ran into Jinki today.”  He put away his phone and turned to me, “Randomly? What did you guys talk about?”  I told him a roundabout of what we talked about and he freaked out, “Hyung asked you out and thought you were in love with Jjong? Why did you not tell me this earlier? Come here so I can scold you.” He turned off the light that was on his side and grabbed me, “You like him don’t you?”  I was slightly night blind as my eyes were adjusting to the dark so I couldn’t see his face but I said that I was pretty sure I was. “What do you think?” He moved his legs under the comforter, “mmm I have nothing against it. Hyung is a good guy better than the other dude you almost went out with probably. At least I know Jinki hyung and I can yell at him if he takes up too much of your time if you start to neglect me.”  I was so happy that Kibummie approved and thought it might be a good thing that I snuggled into him, “Do you like anyone right now?” He chuckled, “I like a lot of people right now whether I want to date them is up in the air. Why? Now because you might get a boyfriend you are gonna try and get me to settle down with someone? I like my love life for the moment. I’ll let you know if I get infatuated with anyone” I muffled into his arm, “Fine. Sleep well.” I left it at that because I knew that even though he said that, what he really wanted was that one love just as much as me he just wasn’t actively looking for it. At his core Kibum was gentle and the most caring person I had ever met save for my mother and he just proved that point more and more during moments like this where we would just simply just sleep together.  His sleeping face angelic and his warm arms so comforting that I got some of my best sleep with his frame beside me.  As I slipped into slumber I wondered if being this close with him was in some way selfish and reckless of me. Even though he was the one who was  always hooked himself to me I wondered if I should’ve been more insistent when it came to trying to get him to not use me to escape. It wasn’t like he give his affections to just me he had plenty of callers but he was so incredibly picky. He knew his worth but he was a man so perhaps I was a constant. He could say what he wanted and be however he wanted with me and I think he liked that easy naturalness. It was the same with his family and members; he didn’t have to think; just be.  I didn’t really have a problem with it I loved him in my own way I just worried about how it affected him was all. I smiled and opened my eyes a bit to take another peak at him sleeping, “Maybe I worry too much.”

                I woke up tangled with Kibum, squinting my eyes, and covering my mouth as I yawned. I poked his cheek to wake him up, “Wake up.”  He stretched a bit and pulled me into a hug smiling sleepily, “good morning.”  I reached for my phone to look at the time, “I have to take a shower and get to work.” He hummed detaching from me and started to slide out of bed, “Let me take one first before I leave hmm? You eat something while I do and then take yours once I’m gone okay.”  I sat up looking at him confused, “But you have nothing to change into.”  He leaned on down putting his hands on the edge of the bed his face dangerously close to me, “Yeah I do, In my bag.” My face fell, “When did you start carrying full outfits around with you?” He pushed the hair out of my eyes, “Sometimes I just do.” I rolled my eyes and got out of bed pushing my feet into my house slippers and walked past him to go to the kitchen, “Fine do as you wish.”  He grabbed his bag from the living room and went to take over my bathroom while I threw together some breakfast and tried to figure out what the hell to wear that day. While shifting through my closet I remembered that I was going to be spending most of my day with Jinki. I grabbed my fave pair of black cigarette cut jeans and an deep purple oversized v-neck sweater that I was quite fond of then went to quickly stuff my face with breakfast.  Key came sauntering out his hair still a bit wet and I almost choked on my rice. He smirked seeing me quickly down my entire bottle of water and pulled at a strand of wet hair squeezing the water onto his fingers. I was about to lose my shit, “I totally forgot you have a thing for this.”  I threw my dishes in the sink trying not to look at him, “I’m going to go get ready be safe going back okay.”  He grabbed me as I tried to walk past him to get to the bathroom, “Hey..” I looked up to him that face perfect and at the moment so alluring I needed him to get the hell out my apartment, “Wae?” That damn smirk, “Thanks for breakfast.”  Sometimes his teasing made me want  to punch a wall.  He bent down and kissed me on the cheek, “Such a good girl.” I full on blushed and gave him a soft shove to get to the bathroom, “Sure.”


TITLE: Bestie 4/?
Pairings: Kibum/me Jonghyun/me Jinki/me (NINJA! jongkey) Platonic OnJongKey
Rating: Pg13-NC17 (depends)

My ringtone woke me up the next morning and it was surprisingly Jjong. “How are you doing?” I rolled out of bed and tried to quickly throw a slightly fashionable outfit together, “I didn’t sleep much and we have that banquet performance tonight.  I want to go eat breakfast but everyone is asleep. What time do you have to be at the office this morning?” I had not even looked at the clock yet it was almost 6 in the morning. “I don’t have to be in until 8:30 you want to go get breakfast with me?” He made an agreeing sound audibly putting down his bag and putting on a pair of shoes probably boots.  “Where?” I heard him scribbling on paper and rip it off a pad, “Do you want to cook? I said in the note that I was going to your house.”  I clicked on the bathroom light and turned on the shower to let it get warm, “Yeah that’s fine. Korean or English breakfast?”  He opened the door and closed it behind him, “Whatever you feel like I’m not picky.”  I walked back into my bedroom to put my phone down own my table before I took a quick shower, “I know.  I’ll see you when you get here.”  I hung up and quickly ran and threw rice into the rice cooker.  “Shizz I want soup hella bad this morning.” Then quickly ran to take the quickest shower possibly of my entire life. I hate blow drying but I had no choice this morning throwing on my clothes and getting the food on the stove with just enough time to put on some foundation and mascara before he was knocking on my door. “He would knock and not use the doorbell…” 

                We were sitting at my ridiculously small table just eating quietly with my cat rubbing up against his legs under the table. “It’s been awhile skittles.” He wasn’t a cat guy but I thought it was nice that he never forgot my cats name. Jjong was the type to remember insignificant things but easily forget important things like dates and facts.  I was unfortunately the same the woes of being of the AB blood line.  “He likes you…but then again he likes all males.” Jjong raised his eyebrow at me, “He’s a gay cat.” Jjong almost choked on his soup, “He’s what?” I repeated myself. “How do you know? Wait actually I don’t think I want to know.”  I took a sip of my tea, “It was pretty apparent after we realized skittles was a boy we thought he was a girl when he was a kitten. He doesn’t like to play with girl cats and doesn’t like most girl humans except ones he gets used to.  He really is the nicest cat I have ever met he lets anyone pet him or hold and he only scratches if I forget to clip his nails and you are playing with him…even then he doesn’t mean it.”  I picked up my dishes and brought them into the kitchen washing them quickly.  “This is more like what I wanted.”  I stopped drying a plate and asked him what he meant, “In a relationship this is what I wanted. I wanted something like this with her. Was I a fool to think that this should’ve happened more often? Was these kinds of things practically impossible from the start?” He was obviously talking about just simply eating breakfast together. I put the plate away and went to sit back down opposite of him his face on the edge of sad and vacant. “Isn’t it known that we are all in a way fools in love. If you were a fool there is no shame it in and I don’t think it was impossible I think you both didn’t think it was possible so you didn’t find ways of making it happen. Very few things are impossible if you try hard enough though unfortunately I think love is one of those things that you either have it or you don’t know matter how much want it or want to let go of it.”  He chuckled, “I think of all the advice and opinion you have given me I think I never truly listened fully until now.  I’m sorry and I think I regret it because maybe I would’ve realized things sooner.”  I shook my head, “Don’t regret loving someone and trying to make it work. That is nothing to regret; something to regret is giving up without even trying at all.” He stared at me without saying anything not moving just staring. It became awkward after a moment so I decided to clean his dishes but as I reached out to grab the first plate he grabbed my wrist, “I know about you and Kibum.”

My stomach dropped how the hell did he know about that, we didn’t tell anyone. I stood frozen, “I saw you once…  Since then I’ve been jealous of what you two have.”  Maybe I was overacting and what I thought he knew maybe he didn’t actually know.  I started running through all the times we had found ourselves doing things that weren’t what “Best Friends” did.  There was that only one time we did that… and there was no way he could know about that because it happened here in this very apartment. Maybe he saw us kiss that had happened two or three times but I also thought that happened while he was nowhere near us. I must’ve been just over thinking it so my shoulders started to relax. I whispered, “We have nothing really to be jealous of we are just comfortable with each other you guys have known each other longer and are even closer.”  I chanced a look down to his expression.  It was serious and a bit agonized, “I may have not seen anything condemning but anyone who knows you both well enough like I do can figure it out pretty fast… You guys are like push and pull most of the time but when you guys think you are alone he studies and watches over you and you always look like you are about to cry when you look at him sometimes and he doesn’t see you watching.” He took a long drawn out breath,  “The way he touches you would give any onlooker the chills if they catch it but you guys are so good at hiding it because you are too alike and too different at the same time.” I felt like my tongue had swelled up in my mouth and it was getting hard to breathe. I always thought Jjong was too caught up in his thousands of dreams to pay attention to us. Well maybe not so much Kibum I knew they were super close but how well he knew me… I wondered what else he had figured out that I thought he would never pick up if I just threw a light rug over it. 

“I was so jealous…of both of you.” It happened so fast and I was still in shock from all the words he was saying. I was centimeters from his face and I watched with eyes wide as his pupils adjusted to the closeness. “I wondered, I wonder what it feels like. What these and those feel like.” He lightly squeezed my hands and motioned with his eyes to my lips. “You may or may not know but I know his. We are so similar sometimes I think it should scare me but right now… It just makes me insatiable.”  My head was screaming for me to tell him to stop that he was making a mistake that he would regret it but my heart that wretched organ was bursting from the words that were so familiar because they could’ve come right out of my own head if we were switched places at this moment.  I felt like I was watching the whole thing from outside my own body not believing anything that was happening before my eyes. My vision was shaking, my bottom lip quivering while short stuttered breaths rushed in and out over it, my chest heaving so fast and strongly I thought at any moment I would break a rib. The whole time I was falling apart I kept my eyes locked on his watching every twitch of his eyelids noticing how soft his eyelashes looked and just how many emotions ran through those eyes I always found so gentle so fast it was like I was seeing the actual speed of light in his eyes. There was no way I was going to make it through this if he moved in those last few millimeters the last bit of strength that was left in my body from the pure adrenaline running through my veins would vanish in an instant and I was sure I’d either burst into a million pieces or flat line then and there onto the floor.

                I was a fighter and somehow I got my voice to work but like an idiot it came out in the wrong language, “Don’t make me cry.” His resolved faltered for just a slim moment, just enough for my super nova of a heart to implode into itself and regroupe like the opposite of a black hole.  He was frantically searching my eyes and with the small slice of courage I had I wrapped my arms around him, “You’d regret it.”  I melted against his form and my tears that were frozen slid down my cheeks. I choked out a sob into the collar of his shirt, “Forgive me for everything.”  I inched my fingers to the planes of his faces and swept the tears from them.  He broke down into me and we fell the short distance to the floor, “It hurts so much. I don’t care if I regret it. It burns and it is all I can feel.”  The friend who I cared for whom I admired, respected, and loved was dry; he was starved and scored by the love he had let swallow his heart. All his sacrifice, all his faith,  he had all laid them on the line for love and it swallowed it up greedily and spit out the bones in his face.  I held onto him tighter trying to keep him from vanishing his tears wouldn’t stop and every time he let out a strangled sob I felt like a knife was stabbing into my chest slowly killing me, “Let it out take my time if you need it take all you want.” His tears wet the skin on my neck at first warm but once exposed to the air freezing cold. Our limbs were a scattered mess on the floor heavy with sorrow and thickened skin from how much our hearts grew to try and protect itself but failed so miserably.  The cold wet streaks of salty cries were replaced with warm lips and unbearably hot to my chilled skin, tongue.  I had ran out of valid reasons to try to make him change his mind and to really keep me from feeling like I would be only making it worse to not just share my glowing heart even if just a bit too dull the pain just long enough for his heart to heal itself. 

                At first he continued to cry a little but as he felt my lips work more and more against his they stopped altogether.  I gave as much as he took my fingers gripping at his clothes wrinkling them with my strength. I felt like if I let go of him for too long that he might break again. We were quickly losing the feeling in our legs from how we were sitting and had fell onto the floor so he pulled me with him to the floor of my dining room.  From there instinct slightly took over and put me on auto pilot. I felt like I suddenly had all my senses heightened I was aware of so much at once.  The texture of his skin under my touch, the sound of his labored breathing through his nose, the taste of his mouth mixing with mine, and the look of his eyes blown out, raw, and animalistic, I was consumed by it. The sting of blood finding its way back down my veins to my legs made me wince and pull back enough to take everything in as one single picture instead of just snippets of senses seducing me into a rhythm.  The Jonghyun that was under me was one I knew I wasn’t supposed to know and the me entrapped in his strong arms was one he had caught with another side of a person I also shouldn’t have known.   Perhaps I was too easy caught up or perhaps I was extremely unlucky.  Neither of the men I lent my love to for two very different complex reasons was ever of a simple love.  Some would see me as beyond lucky or a extremely caring and loving friend, must never have felt pure love. Maybe if I was naïve I would’ve mistaken either situation for it but because I gotten a small taste of it a crumb really so small even a mouse would’ve overlooked it but from that tiny speck I knew how it was supposed to feel and was sensitive to it around me.  It was all I truly wanted in life for myself. The rest was the happiness and health of my friends, everything else were selfish things I didn’t need to really be happy. I wished for that love but my hopelessness got me into these situations because I continued to put myself last when it came to love.

                My hands and tongue they moved for him not for me. “Do you think it would be okay to keeping believing in love?”  My hands were splayed across his abdomen and he held my chin still to read my expression. I was flipping back and forth between the different sides of myself. My mind was wanting to just shut off, “If you quit believing just because it hurts at times are you going to let that pain take over and let it run you cold or are you going to keep fighting knowing there is more being surrounded in love if you just don’t let it beat you down before you get to it.”  I pushed my palm up to cover his heart, “just because our hearts feel pain deeper than usual doesn’t mean we are any less of fighters than anyone else. I think you are the strongest person I know right here.” I traced a heart over his real one buried in his chest.  He looked away from my eyes dropping his arms to his sides, “Why couldn’t you of just been the one. It would’ve been so easy.” I laid a light kiss on his collar bone and then the corner of his mouth, “Because I’m either hopeless or just plain unlucky.”  His phone started going off on the counter and I got up to get it for him fixing my clothes. He laid still for another moment watching me move, “I’m so sorry I’m not the one.” I tried not to cry handing him the phone as he sat up answering the phone and holding it to his ear with his shoulder as fixed his clothes quickly.  “Hyung?”…. “Yeah I couldn’t sleep so I came over here for breakfast.”….. “yeah I cried some more but I think I’ll be fine for tonight I just need to not overwork my voice until then.”…… “She’s….fine”…. “ She is brushing her teeth after we ate.”….. “I’m just going to go with her.”…… “I’ll let her know.”….. “Thanks hyung.”….. “I know, me too hyung. ..Bye.”  I sat on my couch crossed legged eyes closed half listening to the phone conversation the other half thinking.  He crouched down in front of me while I sat quietly, “Jinki Hyung told me to tell you he says thank you for everything you have done and…and I want to say thank you too.” I slowly opened my now slightly eyes, “He is always saying thank you to me.  I don’t deserve more than 10 percent of them.”  I sighed looking Jjong over. He looked like he slept in his clothes and didn’t brush hair at all. He pulled his face to his ghosting his lips over mine like he was waiting to eliminate the rest of space between us but I just sat still letting the scent of his cologne fill my nose. He had little patience giving up quickly and doing it himself pushing his slightly swollen lips into mine. I figured it was a thank you kiss and would be sweet and quick but I was wrong. His tongue was no joke just like his arms and it was the hottest kiss I had ever had.

I pulled away from him seeing him look even more disheveled and said, “Sit. I’ll be right back.” He didn’t ask me why but just sat as I left.  I fixed his hair ironed his shirt a little and put a cold cloth over his eyes to get rid of the little bit of redness that was left. I also fixed myself the best I could and ushered us out the door I was running very late but hopefully everyone else was too which they usually did in our department on Tuesdays.  “Don’t tell kibum you know he’ll think I told just to make you feel better.” He hailed a cab confused, “You are worried about him knowing I know about you two and not about that just now.” I nodded, “he’d be mad about you finding but he would probably either be happy about that just now or slightly confused.” He shook his head in disbelief, “There is no one else like Kim Kibum.”  I nodded, “Any other way and it just wouldn’t be the same.” He agreed with a smile the first real one since before yesterday probably. He was his best this way and we stayed quiet the rest of the ride with only him grabbing my hand to hold between us.


Pairings: Kibum/me, Jonghyun/me, Jinki/me, (Ninja Jongkey), Platonic ONJONGKEY
Rating: Pg13-nc17 (it all depends)

The next day went not as bad as I expected. Management had managed to erase most of the pictures online and not many people seemed too scandalized by the scandal at all. Most seemed to think that it was just the clubs rumor of having idols drop by to check out the new place as being legit. I even saw something about how they guys were maybe even being paid because it was so “obviously” staged.  The club made a statement that they had nothing to do with it which was hilariously true and that they were actually happy the idols stopped by instead of offended by the whole thing.  I wasn’t surprised by that but the two management companies statements on the issues made me giggle a bit. They said that the idols mistook the club as a new restaurant because the vague name and type of plain crowd around the building.  I knew anyone with a brain wouldn’t buy this load of crap but hey if it calmed the storm enough who was I to complain. I mean it wasn’t like my job knew I had any part to do with it anyway but I cared because my friends and coworkers were wrapped up in the whole mess.  When I got to the office no one was running around like mad and it was pretty chill. I got my work done pretty fast as I had over organized the last time I was in. I had only one meeting I had to attend and then I was free for the rest of the day.  Only coworkers and my boss blew up my phone all morning and throughout the afternoon.  It wasn’t until I was home and about to lay down for a nap that anyone other than work called me well okay I guess even my friends would be considered as work since my employer was employed under SM but I liked to keep them separate as much as I could. “Hey…”  I sat up in my bed and wrapped myself in my blankets getting comfy.  “What are you doing? You didn’t call once to ask if any of us got in trouble.”  I pouted at his already misplaced disappointment, “You said you’d call me first and I checked the news before I left for work it seemed like no big deal plus work was eerily calm.” I heard him going through things in his room, “Whatever you still should’ve called if I didn’t. Are you home it sounds like you are.” I swear it was like he was always trying to get a rise out of me, “Yeah I’m home and I never complain when you don’t call.” I heard him open and close a drawer, “That’s because I always call you first cause you never call me… I might come over later.”  I snuggled into blankets annoyed, “I don’t want to bother you cause you’re always busy and I figure if you really need me you’ll call. I text you if I need to tell you something.  Also don’t come over today.”  I could hear  Minho talking to him in the distance, “I’m almost ready tell hyung to wait a minute!... Why can’t I come over today and don’t use the you are always busy excuse you know that if I am really busy I put my phone on silent just leave a message I’ll call you back.” I turned on my side, “Fine I’ll leave you a voicemail from now on okay and I’ll be sleeping that is why you shouldn’t come over. Actually if you come over while I’m asleep I’ll be very upset with you.”  He closed a door, “You always say you are going to be upset with me but you never really are. I’ll do what I want.” I hated that he was right he was too perfect to really fight with, “You do know that you are just my friend and can’t come and go from my house as you please. I gave you my pass code because I was sick that one time. You abuse your friend privileges kibummie. I am your Noona show some respect.” He broke out into his booming laughter, “AH-HA you guys she just pulled the Noona thing on me…Yeah I am talking to Crystal…She is being lazy at home…You tell her yourself do I look like your messenger?...I am Ignoring you…. Your argument is invalid “Noona” by giving me your code was basically telling me Hey you can now drop in whenever I trust you. So if you are so worried change into your good pajamas if you are so worried about me seeing the old ones you probably have on.” I was now embarrassed as hell because of course his gossip self had told all the guys who he was talking to, “Kibum why are you like this? Can you at least give me a rough time of when you might be over so I can know to be up and dressed by then hmm? work with me here.”  He was obviously half listening to me because he was talking to Jinki and my blush got redder and redder as he was saying how impossible I was being. “KIBUM I AM ONLY IMPOSSIBLE BECAUSE YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!” he laughed hearing me raise my voice, “Just for that little outburst I’m not going to tell you when we are done with schedules today.”  I squirmed in my covers he just loved to ruffle my feathers; “I’ll just call the main office or ask Jjong so there! stop trying to find amusement in agitating me.”  He was laughing as I hung up on him and started texting Jjong to find out their schedule.  Text: “Don’t even ask me he threatened to embarrass me on live broadcast. What did you say to him?”  I kicked my feet pissed, “Dammit Kim Kibum! Watch me win today!”  I called the main office to send me their schedule and I was met with questions that were more complex than usual. I told them that my boss needed me to have a copy in case I would need to fill in for one of the stylist as she had said she wasn’t feeling very well earlier this morning (which was half true). 

               I found out what time the recording was over and set my alarm to an hour and half before then. I planned to get up, take a shower, quickly get dressed, then go see a movie by myself just to piss him off so when he came he would find my apartment empty. Two could play this game. Seriously why couldn’t he be a normal best friend like Jjong or like him and his 91-line friends.  He always had to be either playing some game with me, teasing me, telling me I was slacking at work, or trying to find me a boyfriend.  Very rarely did we act like normal non dysfunctional besties and that was when we were shopping. Because  then we were all serious business. He was studying fashion business in university so our most serious talks were about possibly collaborating on a line or the groups upcoming concept. So this time I was going to pay him back for all the times he has tricked me and teased me.  I cuddled into my bed with my cat and fell asleep. 

                The next thing I knew when I opened my eyes there was Kibum staring at me I jumped almost all the way off my bed, “What the actual hell Kibum! How the hell are you here!” I grabbed my alarm clock I had only been asleep for two and a half hours give or take he was supposed be busy for four and a half.  “The office clerk owed me a favor Jinki called for me while I was threatening Jonghyun hyung. How was your nap?”  I hated him in that moment. I wanted to kick him the hell out of my house. I wanted to scream at him and call him obscenities but I had gotten up to fast and fell on my butt to the floor.  I wanted to cry but he rushed over and helped me up, “Be careful you’ll hurt yourself.” He sat down next to me on the bed.  “Are you sick? If you are why didn’t you tell me earlier.” His other side was kicking in and I couldn’t be mad at him anymore.  I slithered back on my bed not even caring that he was there anymore, “I’m not sick I’m just really tired. You won the game today Kibummie so let me sleep I promise I’ll call you when I get up okay.”  He stayed still at the end of my bed, “No.” He said it really quiet and I knew this tone, knew where it was going to lead but I was really too tired and too fed up to argue with him. He got up and went to my dresser pulled out a pair of sweat pants disappeared into my bathroom for a minute and came back nudging me to scoot over.  “I’m worried about you. You give up too early and have been avoiding me more. I’m starting to think that you are actually really mad at me. I know you know I just mess with you because it releases stress from work.”  He got in my bed next to me and grabbed me up into a hug, “You never tell me what is going on in your head. You don’t tell anyone.  You rarely really complain you mostly fake complain and you always are either joking around with me, working, or listening to Jjong’s dating problems. I wish you would tell me how you really feel.”  I gave a sleepy grin, “Right now I am really warm because you’re clinging to me.”  He gave an exasperated sigh, “Fine don’t take me seriously I am only worrying about you because I care.” I turned my back to him and groaned, “I don’t like making you worry. I just naturally over think like an idiot. Worry about everyone else out loud and myself silently. I don’t like to bother other people with my issues.  So don’t take it personally I am like this with everyone but my mother.” I closed my eyes feeling his arm wrap around my waist and his breath on the back of my neck, “Thank you but I hope that you can trust me to tell me more.  I can’t help but want to protect you. You look so vulnerable even though I know you’re not.”  I could start to feel my feelings start to come undone, “I do trust you I thought I had already given you my highest level of trust.  I like to keep my insecurities to myself you just happen to make it hard for me to hide them.”  I tried hard not to cry but I was just so tired. “Don’t cry. I was wrong. I’m sorry I tease you so much.” He lifted up on his elbow and wiped my cheeks then kissed my forehead. “ It’s not the teasing that makes me feel insecure you just make me naturally feel insecure.  Sometimes I wonder if I am being selfish or even foolish. “  He sat up next to me and I looked up at that perfect jaw line, sharp eyes that were at the moment distant and contemplative, and those lips that had just been on my forehead. I wanted someone worthy of him to love him more than me, to love him the most a person could be loved, someone that was on his level. Someone that just made him shine even brighter even though I wasn’t sure if it was humanly possible.  I wasn’t that person obviously he was just my best friend who I had the most unbalanced relationship known to man with. He was my sun but he wasn’t my star and I think he knew it was the same for him as well.  “Kibummie…” I tugged on his sleeve. He turned his head to look at me, “mmm?”  He was really a better person than me deep down so I knew he derserved the most happiness, “I just want you to really be happy.  That would make me happy so don’t worry about me and find your happiness so I can be happy for you hmm.”  I closed my eyes and went back to sleep but I could feel him staring at me for a while before he laid down beside me and fell asleep himself. 

                I woke up late hungry and knew I was alone. I turned on my lamp and picked up my phone off the side table. Of course he had left me a text message: “Hope you slept well… Sometimes I wonder why we aren’t soul mates because there are times where I can’t help but feel like I am in love with you. But we both know it just isn’t the case.  As I have said before I want the same for you my Crystal (wrote it in Korean) so until then lets continue to lean on each other okay?”  I really hated him he was so perfect that he always made me cry when I wanted to just smile.  I walked into my kitchen getting a drink and called him knowing that he wouldn’t pick up because he was on his way to Busan for the charity concert the next day so I left a message.  “Kim Kibum even though you made me cry I was happy and I love you too. Perhaps we were soul mates in our past lives? Have a safe trip and good show. I’ll see you when you get back.”

                The next day I took a trip to the seaside like I told Jjong I might do and I did a bit of soul searching which I hadn’t really done since I moved to South Korea but at the end of the day after sitting on the rocks looking at a sea I had not grown up next to… it still felt familiar.  I cried a little out of homesickness and because while I ate a Popsicle, I realized that I had no idea what I really wanted.  I knew what I didn’t want and what I couldn’t have but what I really wanted I didn’t know.  I left the seaside by train back to the city and I realized I was even more confused than when I got there. I was completely hopeless and letting my mind run away with itself again. I lightly laughed to myself as I let the music in headphones try and distract me.  “Maybe I should try and follow my own advice for once and just go with the flow?”  It was worth the try who knows maybe my dumb heart will finally tell my head to shut up.

                A week passed and me and Kibum went almost back to normal like we had last time. The skinship was still just as bad and his constant calls, texts, and hunting me down when he was bored didn’t change.  What changed was me being more open with him. I told him that I had gotten asked out by a staff member who worked for one of the music programs and that I was debating maybe giving the guy a chance. Kibum went into 100 question mode. “Do I know him, What does he look like, How long has he worked at the station, Does he really want to date or does he have another motive, Does he have a car, How old is he, Is he an inspiring actor? And a whole bunch more ridiculous question I had no idea about. “I don’t like that I don’t know him what if he is a asshole? I don’t even know what he looks like what if he hurts you and I need to have someone kick his ass? I don’t think I can let you go out with him unless  I at least know what he looks like.”  I gave him an are you kidding me stare, “Kibum people go on dates all the time not knowing much about the person before hand that is usually how first dates are you spend it getting to know those things. It’s not like I am planning on marrying the guy as soon as he picks me up.”  He thought for a moment and then smirked, “is he better looking than me?” I laughed, “Defiantly not. But..But.. that isn’t the point he could be a really great guy.” He thought again, “Is he better looking than hyungs?” I laughed again, “Again defiantly not but like I said that isn’t the point KIBUMMIE!”  He rubbed his eyes, “When he asked you out was he respectful like Jinki Hyung or confident like Jonghyun hyung?”  I deadpanned, “No and No.  He was nervous and a bit awkward.”  He clapped his hands together, “Then no.  Turn him down immediately.”  I wailed, “Kibum! Just because he isn’t perfect doesn’t mean the guy doesn’t have charm or perhaps a nice heart.” He got up out the seat he was in which was one in a smoothie stop and literally put his foot down. “No. I feel much more comfortable you dating someone I know. You are kind of like my sister I’m looking out for your best interest.”  I began again trying to explain to him that we wouldn’t be dating it was one date and that if the guy was decent to me that I would let him meet him and then maybe I would listen to his opinion but his phone rang halfway through my speech.  “Hyung?....Smoothie King. Is manager looking for me he said I was done for the day. I was with Jinwoo earlier but now I am with Crystal…Yeah we will be here for a while…We are having a conversation…Fine…We will stay put until you get here…No it isn’t crowded…Yes the smoothies are good…uh huh Bye… Jinki hyung is coming he is bored and thirsty.”  Suddenly I was an anxious mess and no longer paying much attention to Kibum ranting about how this dating was a bad idea. My head was stuck on the guy that was on his way; the only SHINee member that I always seemed to not really be confident when I spoke to them. Well, I wasn’t really 100% confident when I talked to Kibum too but that was because he was Kibum and he just naturally made me feel like a small squirrel be stared down by a magnificent fox.  “Fine Kibum I’ll turn him down.” He dropped back in his seat, “Really? You are listening to my advice when it comes to your love life for once? Are you ill?” I dumbly just nodded as I saw Jinki walk past the shop windows clumsily looking for us before he even got through the front door.  All I could think was god that was cute.

                He walked over to us and I waved a bit awkwardly as soon as he smiled. His smile was the only one that turned me to mush. Kibum’s made me feel inadequate, Jonghyun’s  made me floaty, Minho’s made me feel warm, and Taemin’s was quite similar to Kibum’s feeling but there was more envy there than awe.  Whenever Jinki was around I got pretty quiet and he tended to make me feel like I was being warmly hugged even though I was feet away from him.  I wanted to be closer with him because his personality was exceptional and one that I admired but even though we were the same age we never seemed to be in the same places together long enough together without my attention being commanded by his other members or my other coworkers. I always found it such a shame.  This all ran through my head in a matter of moments and I was starting to get a headache.  He looked from me to Kibum, “Jjong isn’t here?”  I looked to Kibum wondering why Jinki would ask that, “No. I’m sure he is off either with the girl friend or with his other friends oh wait… does he have a schedule today?”  Jinki looked confused, “He was done when we all finished. Minho went to shoot for a variety show and Taemin is visiting his brother. I thought Jjong was having problems with the girlfriend.” He looked at me when he said the last sentence like I should know his band mates ware bouts.  “I haven’t talked to him in about four days so I wouldn’t know.”  He looked surprised when I said that and shrugged it off, “So what’s good here. I’ve never been in here.”  He looked at both our cups trying to figure out what was in them and I blurted, “What is your favorite fruit?”  Kibum smiled at me, “Crystal where did the sudden burst of energy come from.” Jinki pulled up a chair and sat down at our table and I pointed at my cup without saying anything else less I say something stupid.  “Sugar rush? You don’t get those.” I was giving Kibum a look but he took my sudden energy as a cue to start messing with me again. Jinki picked up Kibum’s cup, “What’s this? I don’t like very sweet things.”  Kibum wasn’t paying him much mind, “A mix of stuff.” He was watching me fidget my fingers a bit and glance every once in a while at Jinki. “The citrus doesn’t tend to be really sweet its more a balance of sweet and sour. I like things subtly sweet too.”  Now Kibum was in a full smirk as he nodded. Jinki looked at him like what is with you, “Citrus sounds good then. I’ll be back.” He walked to the counter to read the menu and order leaving me with the smiling fox that was my best friend.  “What are you smiling like a cat about?” He did that huffing laugh which could only mean he was highly amused or figured something out he had been curious about, “I should’ve known.”  I bit down on my smoothie straw taking a sip, “what are you mumbling to yourself?”  He had an eager expression and said low but high enough for me to hear him, “I want to hug you right now but I won’t because we are in public.” I looked around the shop which was empty save for the people working the counter, us, Jinki, and a middle aged couple sitting by the window.  “Okay… this isn’t really public but whatever.”  He turned to look at Jinki who was making his way to our table then quickly turned to me, “We have to talk later.”  I looked at him annoyed, “Why later? Kibum you run up my phone bill more than my boss!” Jinki sat down to me girlling Kibum which probably wasn’t very becoming but Key tended to bring out my eccentric side. “Yah! I am here right now and you already talked to me before we got here what could you possibly have left to talk about after we leave. “  It wasn’t that Jinki had never been around me when I was talking to Kibum like this he probably saw me more like this than other way which was actually what depressed me more that here I was again in play fight with Key.  “I don’t know Crystal I might see something on the way home that I might think you would like to see or know about so I might find it appropriate to call you and tell you about it. What is wrong with that?” I sighed, “That’s fine but you said you had to talk to me later which means you already know what you are going to say so why not say it now instead of calling me later to tell me. You are always calling Kibum ah~  I think out of all the phone conversations we have had in the past two days I only texted you first ONCE! Only ONCE Kibum ah~.”  He put his cup down taking a quick glance at Jinki who was just sitting and listening so obviously trying to not laugh. “That is because you are weird what kind of girl never calls her best friend at least once a day hmm?  You are the only one I know who does that.”  I was becoming exasperated, “I don’t know have you ever thought that maybe the reason I don’t call you everyday is perhaps because you call me before I even have the chance. You beat me to the punch multiple times a day and the worst part of is that I know I am not the only person you call this much.” I pulled out my phone to further prove my point, “look my phone has more photos in it that you have sent me that ones I have taken myself. It’s ridiculous I don’t even want to see how many you actually have stored in that thing. I’m surprised it hasn’t exploded or disintegrated into a million pieces from overwork how much you use that poor thing.” The last sentence was in konglish and it made Jinki laugh. Kibum was rubbing his temples now clearly pissed at me.  “Did you ever think maybe what I have to say is private that I don’t want the whole smoothie shop to hear?”  I immediately shut up and retreated into my chair completely defeated.  “It’s not fair you always win every single argument we have. It’s like you wait until I make a complete fool of myself or get me so riled up and just shut me down in a single swoop. You play dirty Kim Kibum I am onto you.”  Kibum saw Jinki laughing and his smirk grew wider and wider, “ You always say that but you fall for it every time you are too easy.”  I huffed took another sip of my drink and turned to Jinki, “Is he like this to you guys too or  just his unlucky friends that don’t live with him?”  he was still laughing a bit but pointed that brilliant smile towards me, “Not really with me, mostly with Jjong and Minho, very rarely with Taemin.”   Kibum laughed, “Only because Jjong needs to taken down a notch sometimes, Minho tries to compete with me, and sometimes Taemin back talks.  You only get to me when I have to ask you something over and over.”  I smiled a bit at his words, “Jjong is easy to deal with though. Anyone observant and good at listening can figure him out pretty easily if he lets you around him enough.” Kibum agreed with me, “His face is always a dead giveaway.” I nodded, “They are the best though never fails to take me by surprise.” I looked to Jinki thinking he would also join in of talking of Jjong’s expression but he just looked at both of us not saying anything.  Then my phone went off, “Well who could this be you are here, my boss is on a date, and my mom is sleeping. Well I guess speak of the devil and he will appear huh?”  Jjong’s name and picture were lit up on my screen. I turned to Jinki and excused myself to take the call he just awkwardly half smiled, “Jjong?”……. “I see.”….. “Mmhmm, Kibum and Jinki at Smoothie King.”….. “You want them to come too?”….. “Are you sure? Have you eaten?”….. “I’ll bring something.”….. “You’ll  be with Oppa until then right.”…. “You want me to tell them or are you going to?”….. “Okay, I’ll on my way in a minute.”…. “You’ll be okay.”…. “Well you should’ve talked to me first then.”…… “Yeah I am getting up out of my seat now and will be on my way in a second….See you soon.” 

                I looked down at Jinki and Kibum and sighed with a frown becoming more and more prominent on my face. “What happened?” Jinki looked concerned and Kibum had his arms folded just waiting for me to begin explaining.  “I don’t know how to put this really….Uh Jjong and his girlfriend got into a fight and Jjong broke up with her. He wants to talk to me in person. He’s at the super junior oppa’s dorm. I’m going to head over there now but I am sure it will take me a while because the traffic over the bridge is horrible at this time of day. Is there like a ferry or something I could take instead of a cab or train?” Kibum and Jinki were stunned silent, “But they have been dating for almost a year now.  What did they fight over?”  I looked straight into eyes, suddenly I wasn’t worried about how I looked to him, “I don’t know why exactly but I am sure it is nothing big. Let me talk to him they’ll probably make up by the end of the day before any press gets wind of it. I’ll have him call you once I get there to tell you the details if he is up to it.” Kibum looked at Jinki, “You don’t think she is still mad about what happened the other week do you?”  I answered no before Jinki even had time to respond. I grabbed Key’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze as I said goodbye to both of them running out the smoothie king.  I looked around for a cab practically running into the street to get the first one I saw to stop.  As far as I knew his voice sounded on the brink of tears mixed with anger.  It worried the hell out of me and I didn’t want my friend to do something he would regret.

                I did indeed find myself a boat to cross the Han by passing the dead locked traffic on the bridge during rush hour and got there only 50 minutes after I left the smoothie store.  When I saw him he has already finished crying and was sitting quietly in Kyuhyun’s room looking slightly still pissed. “Jjongie, tell me what happened.” Some of his anger in his face went away but there was still a bit there and my god it took everything in me not to cry when I saw his red slightly puffy eyes. I greeted all the Super Junior members who were home and told them to forgive me for intruding on such short notice.  I sat on the floor in front of him and told him to call his hyung before he started telling me anything because he was worried about him.  I sat silently and calmly as he called Jinki and told him that he was slightly better now and that I was there. He turned to me and said that Jinki wanted to tell me something. I said okay and took the phone from Jjong, “Hello?” wherever he was, was really quiet because I couldn’t hear a thing until he spoke. “Hey , can you do me a favor and try to get him stable enough to get home. He needs to be together before he talks to manager hyung about this... if they are really breaking up. I rather say this to you because he doesn’t need to hear me tell him to calm down just to come home and  maybe get yelled at by our manager as soon as walks through the door. I’m going to try to keep that from happening of course but can you call me before you come to the dorm?” I told him that was fine and made perfect sense and then gave the phone back to Jjong who of course asked what he talked to me about.  He quickly hung up with his hyung after a few more exchanges and then began to tell me what happened.

 She had complained about how busy he was and how busy she was and how they never had free time at the same time so they could never talk and when she finally thought they had time to maybe hang out she was mad that he was not really in the mood to and so she accused him of possibly liking another girl since he was apparently going out to clubs. She was nagging and making false assumptions even though she has said earlier she didn’t care about it and he said it irritated him and that he just didn’t care anymore because they never really got to see each other anyways except through video phone chats, webcams, texts, and phone calls. He had realized most of their relationship wasn’t even tangible or physical at all which he personally feels he needs more of in that type of relationship.  “I can’t hold hands with a video and I can’t kiss a text message.  We mostly talked about work anyways and I don’t want to always talk about work especially if I am still working.”  I asked him if he was really sure that he didn’t want to call her and change his mind or maybe even try to go see her.  He shook his head so I asked, “do you still love her?”  This took him longer to answer but his eyes were starting to water again so I just continued, “You don’t have to answer that. I think you shouldn’t tell anybody else besides the people who already know what happened until you talk to her one last time. You don’t have to do it now but once you have settled your thoughts because if you are going to officially break up you are both going to have to agree to a few things.”

                I sat in that room with him for another half an hour or so just discussing things with him and even the mini fake fight I had with key at the Smoothie King in attempt to make him laugh which it did.  He gathered up his stuff and we both thanked the Suju boys for being so helpful and welcoming towards both of us.  There was a cab waiting for us outside and Jjong called Jinki to tell him we were on the way to the dorm. I sat quietly beside him while he and Jinki talked and just watched the scenery out the window pass by.  I kind of was zoning out when I felt Jjong put his hand on mine. He was still talking to Jinki about things so my glance only lasted a second before I turned back to the scenery and just let his hand stay there.  I was trying to think of all the things Jjong had come to ask me about during his relationship with his girlfriend. Some were really stupid things like if a certain tone of her voice meant she meant something different from what she said or If she was really mad him if she said she wasn’t but still looked agitated. Then there were things I wasn’t confident in answering like does a girl really what this or that for such and such holiday and would such and such surprise make her smile or why didn’t such and such surprise make her smile as much as he thought it would.  Those things I wasn’t good at because I had never actually experienced them and was only going off of what friends had experienced and commented on in the past. There were times I wish I had been in his girlfriend’s shoes but not always because she was dating Jjong but because she seemed to be getting things I didn’t even think guys really even thought of doing. Things that I had thought only existed in the movies and in love songs.  Jjong liked to keep is classic with modern personal touches I didn’t know if he was really that much of a cheese ball or if he was just so desperate to make whom he cared for happy.  I liked to think he was a bit of both.

                When we reached the dorm he had already been off the phone for a few minutes with Jinki but I noticed he didn’t move his hand. I just pretended like I hadn’t even really noticed when he lifted it off mine when we got out of the cab. He paid the driver and we walked through the entrance. I had only been to their dorms less than five times or maybe five exactly.  All times for business reasons but I didn’t realize that fact until I was in the door but didn’t have any particular tasks I needed to do while being in said dorm.  I figured that I really shouldn’t stay and that it was enough that I got Jjong home safe and sound so I would just say hi and bye to the boys and make sure that Jjong knew to call me if he needed me at all. “If my phone is busy find Key he will most likely be the culprit behind it being tied up if not I’m probably at the office which of course you can come down and see me any time cause you work there too.” I giggled awkwardly trying to figure out what to do with my hands as I stood in the door way saying goodbye. I was turning to leave when I was hugged from behind which I thought was Key cause he did that all the time but it felt different from Kibummie.  “Thank you for being my friend.  It really means a lot to me.” It was Jjong and he had never hugged me around anyone before he actually rarely hugged me at all so I was a bit shocked but I just squeezed one of his hands with mine, “You are welcome, and I am glad your friendship means a lot to me too.” I closed my eyes and smiled just feeling his chest against my back waiting until he pulled away so I could leave them all alone to do their group thing.  I turned and bowed goodbye because I couldn’t help but a have a bit of a blush. Jjong’s arms were no joke.  Any straight girl would’ve had my same problem or if they were a rabid fangirl it could’ve been way worse.  

                I crashed as soon as I got home. I was already working all day the next day but now there was a chance it might be even more crazy at work. As I tried to fall asleep I worried about Jjong and Jinki who had to deal with the managers and most likely the press. I also felt bad for Kibum, Minho, and Taemin because they were going to be worried about their hyung and the fans response if they really end it. I also prayed that his girlfriend wasn’t the spiteful type though I doubted she would badmouth him cause it would be like a death note to her future.  Sadly this was the was how it was dating as a celebrity.  Practically knowing everything about Jjong’s and the basics of others in the industry that I just happened to find out about by being in the industry I found it to be so much harder than an average relationship. Both had to be strong and secure in themselves and their relationship if they were to come close to having a normal relationship.  I realized Jjong had a lot more strength and pride then his sensitive and dreamy go lucky manner really let on.  I respected him so much more in the end, he has a lot of faith in love and the goodness in people.  Perhaps I had grown to admire him more over the months we had become close.  I drifted to sleep hoping for the best for all my friends.


Title: Bestie 2/? (I really have no idea how long this will be at all)
Pairings: Kibum/me Jonghyun/Me Jinki/Me (ninja JONGKEY) platonic ONJONGKEY
Rating: Pg13-NC17 (will very all over the place very classy though mostly)

NOTE: The transitions between chapters might be sloppy because i wrote chapt 2-? all in one go.

                I couldn’t figure out the churn in the pit of my stomach when I read the text on my screen.  What is this supposed to mean exactly?  “You ran away didn’t you?”  My faltering mood must’ve been apparent because he grabbed my hand, “You look like you just saw a ghost. You okay?”  I swallowed my throat suddenly dry then closed my eyes for a quick second pocketing my cellphone or “hand phone” as they all called it and pushed my bangs out of my eyes. “Yeah I’m fine…I was just a little surprised by a text is all.”  He blinked and his face became curious, he was so damn cute when he put on these kinds of faces. “Oh what did it say? Kekeke was it something bad?” He was being a joker as always.  It made it so much easier to lie to him this way, which I always felt so bad about. Another regret pinned to my sleeve that dealt with him.  I fake giggled, he never knew the difference because he is never 100% there, he is forever dreaming. It is his charming point as well as his downfall. “Just a friend playing a prank, you know how gullible I can be.”  He laughed his pouty lips splitting showing his slightly pointy teeth that made his smile somehow so endearing.  I wasn’t really gullible just too trusting but again he didn’t know the difference. All he knew was that I listened to every word that he said, that I always answered his questions whole heartedly, and always laughed when he laughed. He liked to be around me because I was comfortable and easy; well easy to him he really didn’t know much about me at all, not really.

                “So I wanted to tell you about what happened yesterday.  I want your opinion.” He took a sip of his latte scooted in his seat and then leaned back in it a bit loosening his scarf  and raising his deep eyes at me; one of the things that I couldn’t deny were outstanding and crippling at times in their attractiveness.  I folded my arms on the table and leaned forward, “As usual you know I am all ears.” If I was any other girl I would’ve already been dead from the smirk he gave as he nodded but I had seen it so many times by now that I had become almost numb to it. “You know when you say that I feel almost like I am bugging you too much and that you are just too nice to tell me to shut up and figure it out by myself for once.”  His smile faltered a bit at the end and I felt a pang of guilt because sometimes I admit I felt like he was relying on me too much but after months and months I knew how to brush this stuff off and make it seem like it didn’t affect me at all. “Don’t say that. You know this is what friends are for plus you know the only time I was surprised was the time you called me at 3 in the morning; and no need to apologize again for it, It was an emergency after all.” I took a sip of my hot tea hoping he would move on and get to what we were here about.  He sighed, “Thanks for forgiving me and for the help you know I really really appreciated it.”  I placed my cup back on the table gently and nodded, “So…”  He cleared his throat, “So…  I called her last night and she seemed annoyed with me while I was talking with her. She was acting disinterested and she gave me short answers.  I figured she might’ve been tired so I didn’t ask her about it but I don’t know it was strange for once I didn’t really care that she wanted to make it short even though we had not really caught up in a day and a half. You don’t think I am falling out of love with her do you?”  I raised my eyebrow at him not believing what was coming out of his mouth,  “Did you just listen to what you just told me? You fall out of love with her?” He fiddled with his coffee cup looking embarrassed I wasn’t going to say anything else until he answered me.  After an awkward moment he bit his lower lip, “Crystal, I am being serious. I really don’t know what is wrong with me. I haven’t had any desire to text her once today and she hasn’t contacted me at all either.  If my feelings aren’t changing than why am I feeling like it isn’t a big deal if I don’t talk to her for a few days?” 

                The thing about Jjong was that he could talk a big talk. He could string together beautiful words together and make your heart beat a million miles an hour, he could romance the hell out of any girl or even guy if he wanted to but when it came to really dealing with love and a relationship he thought it would be like his lyrics or like love stories he had read. He was always blindsided and left dumbfounded by reality.  That is where I came in. Without me he would be a mess. I was his rational chingu that is a girl who always told him to slow the hell down, calm the hell down, or get the hell over it. The worst part of our relationship was that I was no better than him.  I almost always had the answers for him and looked at love rationally but inside I was just the same as him except worse because I was a coward who never followed her own advice.  I could string together beautiful words just like him and my heart melted at romance but I never put it out there. I kept it all to myself and at times I wondered if I really knew what I knew or if I was just a dreamy fool wearing the mask of rationality. Because of that fear I never let myself fully relax even around my most trusted friends like the one right across from me.  Because I failed so badly with my own feelings I found myself humble and took pride in my friends finding happiness in their relationships. 

                I gave Jjong a warm gentle smile and spoke slow, “You are over thinking again. You want to know what is going on Jjong? It is quite simple and very very normal. Ever hear of something called the honeymoon period in a relationship?”  He breathed out and nodded obviously slightly put off by nonchalant tone but he was being ridiculous which I shouldn’t of been surprised by. “Well usually when this is over couples go through a short slump because they have become familiar or comfortable.  Some couples fight over stupid things during this time or in your case feel like they need space or suddenly feel like they don’t need to know what the other is doing every second.”  He listened to me quietly taking another drink of his coffee he kept the cup close to his lips, “So what do I do? How do I get past this if this is really all that is wrong?”  I leaned in closer looking him straight in those puppy eyes that were reeling with thoughts, “Simple my friend, you do nothing.” His eyes blew wide and he dropped his cup down to the table, “Nothing? You want me to do nothing? How is doing nothing going to solve the problem?”  I pursed my lips a bit then took a drink of my tea letting him calm down a bit, “Okay let me try to explain in a different way. You know my vocabulary is limited… Just go with the flow. If you don’t want to call her then don’t. If you want to call her then call her. If you don’t want to see her then don’t see her but I must stress that she might still be in the honeymoon period so if she calls pick up and if she wants to see you try to see her if only for a little while you don’t have to make it long because in no time if you really still love her which I’m pretty sure you do you are going to miss her and you’ll fall into a steady rhythm almost like before but not as “Intense”. “  I took another drink after that winded explanation and watched all the information sink in. Jjong was naturally expressive so you could read him like a book if you were around him enough to know the differences.  “So I really do nothing and it most likely will fix itself?”  I hummed, “mmhmm that is unless she suddenly loses interest in you but I really don’t see that as a possibility I really hate feeding your ego but you are kind of a good boyfriend.”  That instantly perked him up and that toothy grin was like a giant road sign screaming content and pride all at the same time.  He really was something I had to give him that.

                “What’s up with you though? How’s the cat?”, Another thing about Jjong was that he was horrible at feigning interest.  I knew he was exhausted mentally and physically and that he really didn’t have time to sit here and listen to what I wanted to say. He is a busy guy and hell it was sweet he even asked at all because usually he didn’t. I was never offended or disappointed that we never really talked about me so I did what I always did pulled out my hand phone looked at the time pretended to check my calendar and gave my usual response, “He is still fluffy, cute, and skittles.  You got any schedules after this? Didn’t you say something about an upcoming concert for some charity isn’t that soon?”  His expression became all business and if I was right he would be leaving me in about three minutes. He looked at his expensive wristwatch and then smiled at me, “Yeah it is coming up next week aren’t you going to be there? I’m actually free the rest of the day I had a short practice this morning.” I was surprised he almost never met me when he was off, “Nope I don’t have to work it. I was thinking of going on an adventure while everyone is there.”  That peaked his interest which rarely happened when I was talking about myself, “an adventure? That sounds so awesome where are you going to go?” I guess he really had no plans today because those three minutes had passed and he was still comfortably seated in his chair.  “I don’t know maybe the seaside? Have you seen your family lately?” His eyes sharpened at my changing of the subject again he was catching me off surprise today he usually never caught that but he let it go after a second, “Not really I talked to umma and noona the other day. I should probably go see them though.” I nodded relieved he was taking the bait. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with him it was just that I knew he was tired and that there were other people besides me who he really should be spending his precious time off with. He was a sweet heart but when he was tired he was a scatter brain you had to remind him of things, keep him entertained, or show him to his pillow. “You should go see them lunar new year is coming soon or you should rest a bit.”

                He finished his drink, “Y’know sometimes you remind me of my noona.” I smiled as he rose from his seat, “I might go home for a bit if they are home.  Thanks again for you know everything.”  I stayed in my seat so he wouldn’t feel the need to hug me or anything you never know who is watching, “Of course Jonghyun ah have a safe trip.”  He gave a half smile and waved to me, “I’ll call you okay.”  I let out a small sigh and waved back, “I know.  Bye Jjong.”  He turned his back to me and walked out of the coffee shop after a few seconds I saw him walk out the front door and pass under my window on the second floor on the sidewalk and then into a cab. I sat by myself for another minute or so finishing my tea before gathering up my purse and making my way out the coffee shop myself.  Once my feet hit the sidewalk a frown formed on my face remembering the text I got earlier.  “I really am hopeless.”  I started walking towards a bookstore that I knew had English books in stock.  When I was stressed I escaped into text. Music just made is worse it made me feel whatever I was feeling deeper though I always found myself just letting it get to me in the end.  My dreamy self left me a sensitive emotional mess sometime. I chuckled to myself realizing it was a trait I shared with my friend who had just left me. 

                After searching through the rows I found a book that always made me feel humble or laugh, one of those books filled with peoples secrets. I found one of the arm chairs empty and made myself comfortable when my hand phone vibrated in my jeans pocket.  Another Text, “Let me guess now you are trying to forget about it?”  I erased the text and didn’t reply.  I didn’t want to face it, like I said I was a coward.  I was about to put my phone back in my pocket when it vibrated again and I was about to just ignore it again but it was a call from Jjong so I picked it up. “What’s wrong?”  there was a pause, “Huh? Why would you ask that?”  Now I was more worried, “You just left me like twenty minutes ago so either something is wrong or…”  I couldn’t figure out what else it could be he never called me so soon after we talk. “Or what?”  I tried to think again but came up with nothing, “ I don’t know.  Did something happen? Did she call you?”  He coughed, “No nothing happened the family is busy where are you? I’m at the coffee shop but you are already gone obviously.”  I put my palm to my forehead grabbing my stuff and walking to put the book back on the shelf. He was bored? He had to be kidding me, “Jjong I’m at the bookstore but seriously you should get rest.”  I heard the door to the cab close, “Why are you trying to get rid of me so much today? The bookstore near this coffee shop right?” Shit he had noticed he was too observant today it was weird, “I wasn’t trying to get rid of you Jjong I just thought you should spend your time off either with your family or relaxing. You work so hard all the time… I wasn’t trying to get rid of you okay.”  I heard him tell the cab driver to try and hurry he knew me better than I thought, “Okay I believe you but seriously I am not that tired and I don’t know… we never hang out.”  Yeah because you work all the time and have a girl friend and I work too but I wasn’t about to say that to him, “I know, I just don’t want you to get sick or anything it’s cold as hell out here.”  I heard him suck on his cheek making that annoyed sound, “You already are outside the store aren’t you?” Yup defiantly knows me better than I thought fuck my life, “Don’t move Crystal I am almost there.” I gave a quick fine and he hung up on me. I stuffed my phone back into my pocket and rubbed my hands together to warm them up.   I watched as people walked in and out of the store until the cab pulled up to me on the sidewalk and the door opened, “You didn’t buy anything? Get in.”  I pulled my phone back out my pocket and slid into the seat next to him.

                “Where to?” He asked and I thought for a second pursing my lips looking at the dashboard of the taxi.  “I have no idea you are the one who came and picked me up and it’s your precious day off what do you wanna do?”  His expression dead panned and he looked at me fake annoyed, “ I am hanging out with you because I don’t know what to do. Just pick something.”  I threw my head back and sighed. I can be extremely immature even though my personality isn’t.  People called It my quirk and cute but I knew that it often made me look plain stupid.  I wiggled my nose at hearing the cab driver ask where we wanted to go for like the third time. “Just drive. I’ll figure it out in a second.”  The driver grunted and pulled into traffic and Jjong was fiddling with his phone.  “Jjong I am horrible at making these kinds of decisions are you sure you have no idea what you want to do?”  He looked up from his phone, “I trust you.” Great just freaking great I pulled up the internet on my phone and did a quick search for something to do, “When is the last time you did something reckless and kinda lame?”  He gave me a sideways glance like wahh, “What are you talking about?”  I read the address of the place to the driver and turned to Jjong 100% serious, “I’m talking about laser tag.” His eyes went wide and his smile almost blinded me, “I have always wanted to do that! You are a genius!” He hopped up and down in his seat a little like a five year old kid who was just told he was being taken to get ice cream or get McDonalds.  He was stoked and I… I was worried because I wasn’t dressed for running around in the dark but oh well I hadn’t played laser tag in years and figured since we would be in the dark no one would recognize him.

                While we were waiting to pay he wrapped up in his scarf to half keep him warm and the other half hide his face my phone went off. Text: “ You can’t ignore it forever.  My patience is wearing thin.” Another thing about Jjong was that he was curious as hell but hated it when people asked him what he was doing when he was on his phone. “Who you talking to? You look serious.” I probably did but I shrugged my shoulders, “Just a friend from work talking about work.” He nodded uninterested and turned back to face the front of the line we were next anyways. “Fashion talk.  You must get sick of it having to deal with it everyday.” I was surprised at his remark, “Not really I love my job so I don’t really get sick of it I just get tired at times. Do you ever get sick of music?”  He turned to look at me like I just said something profound, “No I am like you I just get tired sometimes. Music is my life I can never get sick of it.” I nodded, “I agree.”  He grabbed my elbow, “Sometimes you say things that really makes me stop and reflect.  It makes me glad you are my friend.”  I blinked staring at him with a blank face. He really had a way with words.  “Thanks I’m glad we are friends too.”

                The laser tag was a great idea it made me forget about things and Jjong had a great time “killing me” a bunch of times which only happened because I was wearing heels that were not made for stealth and hunting down my friend in the pitch dark. “Don’t blame your shoes you would’ve lost just the same if you were wearing sneakers.”  I rolled my eyes at him as we walked to find a restaurant for dinner which he suggested too even though I had tried to get him to go back to the apartment and sleep.  He shot me down saying there was no food at the apartment and that he was starving.  “jjajjangmyun!”  He was simple when it came to food where I was cautious and picky.  In the few times we had actually ate a meal together he had always glared at me at how I ate, “You eat like a spoiled five year old.” I didn’t let it get to me though; he didn’t know I was allergic to like half the stuff they put on the table.  “Well you eat like a girl!” and there was the glare again it was so hilarious I couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don’t eat like a chick!” He had his chopsticks about to poke a hole through the table waiting for me to answer him in a timely fashion but I caught a fit of giggles that was keeping me from stringing a full sentence in Korean. He waited until I had stopped laughing and I figured out he was being serious. “You eat carefully and light. You on a diet or something?”  He immediately shoved a huge mouthful of noodles in his mouth like it would automatically make me take back what I said but it only made him look ridiculous and like a ravenous dinosaur.  I ignored his idiocy and returned my attention to my own food, “Yah! I do not eat like a girl and I am not on a diet! I don’t know where the hell you got that from I am a man so I eat like a man.”  I wiped my mouth with a napkin, “Jjong everyone knows you are a man no woman has a jaw like that.” He stared at me stunned, “I don’t know if you just offended me or complimented my bone structure.”  I held back my laughter and playfully stared straight into his eyes leaning across the table and whispered, “Both.”  Then I let myself laugh after seeing his EPIC as usual reaction.  “I might as well be hanging out with Kibum.” I stopped laughing and put down my chopsticks, “Then why didn’t you.”  His face fell seeing he hit a nerve.  I picked my phone off the table checking the time, “It’s getting late you really should get back and get some rest before tomorrow I know there is no way you are off tomorrow too.” I picked up my purse to dig out my wallet to pay for the food. “Crystal it is not that late why are you trying to get rid of me again. Were you really offended by what I said? You never get mad at me.” It was true it was only 8 at night and I did never really get mad at him but I didn’t want to hear about Kibum at the moment.  “I’m Sorry I guess I am tired myself maybe we both should just go huh?”

                I went to pay while he went to get a cab. After I apologized he finished his water and the last of his noodles not wanting to waste my money since I said I was going to pay since he paid for the laser tag which cost way more than two bowls of noodles and pickled radishes.  We didn’t have a chance to become awkward because he got a phone call as we were walking out, I figured it was his girlfriend. After I paid and thanked the owner for the meal I walked outside where he was still trying to hail a cab and had a displeased face. I patted his arm and raised mine to hail the cab so he wouldn’t have to stick out anymore, “What’s wrong?”  He hooked his arm with my free one that was in my coat pocket I wasn’t surprised he was always like this, “She called to tell me she would be busy for the rest of the night so she couldn’t talk tonight.”  I turned to him as a cab slowed to a stop for us, “See you still care you just need some space. Don’t worry about it and just go with the flow like I said okay.”  He nodded letting go of my arm to fix his scarf and got into the cab first.

                When I finally got home I kicked off my shoes and inspected my feet to see if I got any cuts or blisters from running around in my heels like an idiot.  I cursed  finding a slightly cut heel, “dammit I gotta clean these shoes now.”  I picked up my cat walking into the bathroom to get a band-aid regretting my choice of footwear, “I usually never wear heels around  Jjong anyways what the hell is with me today?”  I sat down on my couch to put on the band-aid when my phone went off again. I let out a long annoyed breath, “Seriously text me back. I’m actually getting offended.”  I bit my lip and debated what exactly to say when a call came in, I was popular today.  “Hello?”  There was a pause before the caller spoke, “Thank you for hanging out with Jjong today.” My heart dropped.  I just mmhmm’d awkwardly. “He came home refreshed and not anxious. Thank you.”  As I listened to the voice I blanked out before quickly snapping out of my trance, “He is my friend I hate to see him restless. I try my best it’s nothing to thank me for.”  I could almost see him nodding in my head even though he was probably miles across town, “No really thanks you are good to him we all appreciate it since he won’t listen to any of us.”  Without thinking I said, “I’m sorry.”  He quickly replied confused, “why are you sorry? I am thankful to you.” He must of thought I misunderstood him but I fully knew what he said, “I know.  I am sorry that he doesn’t listen to you more and takes my lame advice.”  I was sounding like an idiot, “If he didn’t follow your advice he’d be a agitated pain in the ass oversized depressed puppy.”  I accidently let out a giggle because though I hate to say it about my friend but he was right, “okay, okay you are welcome for my calming of the beast.”  He laughed and I felt like I was going to faint where I stood, “Exactly, oh and sorry I’m calling from Minho’s phone my battery is dead.”  If I talked to him any longer I was going fall on the floor from a heart attack, “I don’t mind. I admit I was a little surprised though but really it’s no big deal.”  He mmhmm’d I was guessing he was about to wrap up the call, “Well uhh… Thanks again and sorry for calling out of the blue.”  I leaned against a wall, “yeah, it’s fine I really don’t mind I just got home.” I think he was waiting for me to say bye but I wasn’t going to hang up first, “So uhh I guess I should go. Good night.”  I tried to not lose my cool and calmly said good night right back at him and waited for him to hang up.  I had another text waiting for me when I pulled the phone away from my face, “I didn’t even hear the beep…” I sat down on the couch again, “You were with Jjong today? You like to make things harder for you don’t you? You disappoint me.”  I texted back “No.” then turned off my phone.  I went to my closet and changed into a dress, tights, and fashionable flats.  I put on some eyeliner, fixed my hair, and walked out my door.  

                I walked straight to the bar through the crowd of dancing bodies. I sat down on a stool and asked the bartender, “why is it so packed it’s barely 10?” He did the usual bartender thing of looking you up and down then placed his hands on the bar, “There was a rumor that idols were spotted here the other day so people have been packing in here every night since then.” He then asked me if I wanted a drink and I ordered whatever the house special was cause I was probably just going to sip on it a few times and leave it. I reluctantly turned my phone back on to investigate this supposed rumor and thankfully there were no missed calls or text messages. I did a quick search on Naver of the club’s name and sure enough half way down the page after all the reviews and shit was blog entries with the rumors. “S managed Idols spotted at____ club.”  Did people seriously believe this load of crap it was so obvious the club planted this stuff to get more press and attention. Businesses in the states did this all the time even paying celebrities big bucks just to walk into their club or restaurant for just five minutes even.  I sighed, “well might as well have fun since no one here knows me kekeke.”  I took a few sips of my house drink which was your typical ridiculous girly strangely colored drink and was about to hit the dance floor when my phone went off, “Where are you? You have ignored me all day! I hear club music are you at a club?” I answered with a sharp yes, “You hang out with Jjong all day ignoring me and then as soon as he gets home you go out clubbing! What club are you at! I’m coming to see you.”  I sighed giving up the fight and told him the club name, “Don’t try to run and hide from me. I’ll find you.” I rolled my eyes, “Whatever I’m not the one who has something to lose from you coming here.” I hung up on him taking another sip of my ridiculous drink before making my way to the dance floor. I would have to make the most of it before he got there and as always would make me feel inadequate and like I was stealing his precious oxygen.

                I was dancing with a quite nice looking boy who could do more than just rock back and forth awkwardly to the music and didn’t seem to think I was a huge slut just because I was American when I noticed him suddenly  turn and start dancing with someone else.  “So that is how you dance when I am not around.”  He was surprising dressed down but no less fashionable than ever. Signature shades, Hair mussed different than how he has wearing it recently with a beanie covering half of it.  He could dress down and try to disguise himself but that jaw line was unmistakable.  “You found me.” His perfect lips pulled into his smirky smirk, “You ignored me all day. That is not the way to treat your best friend.”  I looked everywhere but at his face as he lowered his shades a bit waiting for my explanation, “You were saying unnecessary things.”  He grabbed my hips more in the attempt to get me to pay him attention than for dancing reasons but  I began to anyways because I really didn’t want to talk about it. If I had to put up with him being here after he had been messing with me for days I was going to make him feel a little like he didn’t have the upper hand. But of course Kibum being Kibum he had already out thought me.  “I invited some friends to join us later. I think a few of them will be surprised to see you in this environment.”  I stopped moving, “You didn’t!” He smiled and pretended to suddenly be really into the song. I felt like all my insides were trying  to escape my body at once. I didn’t know if it was better to punch him or run out of that club as fast as I could. Because there was a bunch of people around I opted for option 2 but he grabbed my arm and wrapped his other around my waist, “They should be here any minute so why don’t you just relax and dance with me until they show up. No need to be nervous you already know them very well. Stop running away or trying to act like nothing phases you. If you should be nervous about anything it should be me because I know you the best.” He ran his finger down my neck and shoulder reminding me all too well of how “well” he knew me.  He used it to his advantage and though I truly loved and admired him as a friend there was still this aura that hung around us. I saw him as something so above me and always stood obediently in his shadow in awe of everything he was. I tried to understand him but he was always doing as he pleased catching me by surprise and out smarting at every turn.  He labeled me unimaginatively his crystal finding my flaws fun and our similarities comfortable.  I was like his doll; he admired me a bit but liked to play with me the most.  I was a wild card that kept him fascinated like his other close friends and his fascination had caught him up more than he was prepared for at times.  Our friendship was perhaps the most odd thing about us respectively but at the core we simply cared for each other and  wanted the best for each other. I just obviously thought he was worthy of more than me. He thought I was so easy to please because I was humble but that was the only thing about me he didn’t have pinned right.

                He got me to relax and give in as usual and I followed his lead on the dance floor. “Why aren’t you dancing like you were with that guy?” I gave him a pointed glare, “I’m a bit upset with you so forgive me for not wanting to dance like the world is about to end with you.”  He pulled me closer to him, “You really are upset with me aren’t you? You never are this short of tempered usually it takes me a good hour.” I released the tension in my shoulder tired of trying to get him to understand that I didn’t need him making things complicated for me no matter how much he thought it was for my own good. “I had a long day.”  He slowed our movements, “I heard. Why not just dance it off?”  He was smiling that perfect smile that made me want to go lock myself in a dark room forever because it was so perfect that I felt like I was a delusional fool to think I should be allowed this close to him. Always trying to get me to follow what he wants but this time he had a point and after all it was what I came here to do in the first place. I detached myself from him, “Okay.” I pushed my way though the crowd getting as many between us as possible and found another guy to dance with. I was still upset with him and hopefully if I detached myself from him when his “friends” got here I might be able to feign tiredness and split without actually having to interact with them too much.  My bliss of dancing freely how I wanted was short lived though because after two more songs a commotion started in the club. Those knuckle heads must not have been up to date on this clubs rumor and knowing that the place was filled with girls just itching for a chance to see and idol out on the town.  Within minutes they were surrounded and I ran to Key who was already heading their way pushing through the growing crowed around them.  I couldn’t call out to him cause then his cover would be blown I watched as the guys were trying to make a smooth exit but failing I wanted to help but I was just another body in the huge mass. I was rendered useless and I hated that feeling more than any other in the world.  Kibum gave up trying to get their attention and made his way back to find me who was now agitated as hell.  “let’s go out the back and meet them at the front if they can make it back out that way. Why is this club so filled with fangirls? Isn’t this a fairly new club are they just letting anyone in?” I was trying not to blow up at the people who kept bumping into me and practically trying to plow me over as I followed him out the back.

                He grabbed my hand and guided me to the front where the guys were trying to get into a cab while the crowd was flashing their hand phone cameras all over the place. It was a mess and I had really no idea what this type of situation called for.  I squeezed Kibum’s hand as he waved another cab with his free one, “What do we do?” he turned to look at me as he fumbled to get his phone out his jean pocket. “Call Jjong he’s going to be agitated and worried the girl friend is going to catch wind of this.” I quickly dialed his number while I guessed Key was ringing one of the others.  We quickly threw ourselves into the cab and Kibum told the driver where to go while his phone rang.  Jjong picked up on the fifth ring, “What the hell was that! Kibum didn’t mention anything about a fangirl mob at the club you guys were at. Shit this is going to be out in a matter of minutes tons of pictures were taken.”  I let him bitch for a few minutes, “So care to tell me why none of you thought to dress down at all?”  He proceeded to then bitch at me about how it was still early and how can a new club can be so damn packed and how the hell did all those girls magically guess that idols were going to show up at that club.  I explained the bad luck of the particular club using a fake rumor to pull in business and how regardless they all should’ve dressed down a bit. “Kibum should’ve told us ahead of time.”  He liked to blame everyone else but his own mistake first, one of his few faults sometimes it cute but right now it was annoying the hell out of me.  “Kim Jonghyun don’t blame Kibum for something he had no control over and don’t worry about the scandal I’ll handle it.”  He shut up for a minute clearly taking the moment to calm down.  I turned to Key next to me who was talking to Dongwoon, “Where are you guys headed now?....You split up?...and the hyungs?” I gave him a worried look and he squeezed my knee and smiled letting me know it wasn’t as bad as we thought.  “Jjong? You still there? You are going back to the dorm right?” He told me “yeah” and asked if he should text the girlfriend about the scandal so she heard it from him first before she found out from somewhere or someone else. I told him that would be a very good idea but not to be overly dramatic. “I’m not overly dramatic.” He made me laugh and I was glad cause I needed it.  “Okay fine just be cool. Better?”  He was so easily riled up but then so was I depending on who it was.

                “I’m going to drop you off first and then go to the Beast dorm to make sure their manager doesn’t kill them. I already texted our manager about what happened they are doing damage control.” He put his phone back into his pocket and took a quick look out his window to figure out where exactly we were. “Thanks for dealing with Jjong I’m sure hyung is thankful as usual for your being able to wind him down the quickest. He really hates yelling at Jjong but he hates trying to calm him down even more cause as you know Jjong is stubborn as Taemin when he is tired.” In the calm of the cab I was suddenly exhausted. “Kibummie, don’t let any of them blame you for what happened okay.” His expression softened, “No one would dare blame me and besides no one even noticed I was there. Don’t worry and go get some sleep.”  We had pulled over about five minutes from my place and he kissed me on the cheek as I got out, “Don’t ignore me tomorrow.” I waved to him as he closed the door and I walked home. As soon as I got into my sweats and washed my face I collapsed into bed. Tomorrow was most likely going to be hell or closed to it but not quite. 

the wall that stands

(this is a poem or idek that i wrote that well i think is obviously inspired by my own love toward Jinki and how depressing it is to have a huge barrier between us other than the fact of his being a celebirty)

There’s this wall,

Miles high and miles long

A two way mirror where all I see is you, and you are completely unaware.

Watching your smile spread across your face, I am frantic to find a way through.

I move along its limits fingers always pressed against my biggest obstacle.

Always the saddest of reminders, it holds for now impenetrable.


You move through your world and I through my own but I am only half there

My heart is beyond the wall, it’s with you

I am half missing, forbidden to that other side

It stands, it stands

Teasing, sneering, critical of my love, my longing for you.


I’ll  pound till the salt seeps down to the corners of my lips, to find its weakness

Study it, examine it, scrutinize.  Pushed on by the light in your eyes, the sound of your voice echoing through.

If I said it all now you wouldn’t understand the words

The wall…

It’s thousands of miles high and miles long

But still you are so clear to me


I’m working to learn the code

They will pass from my lips and reach you one day

When it comes please stand still, let them reach you

I’ll be able to walk right through all the way to you


When I pass through that wall

It will be only me

Uncertain and completely vulnerable

All I will have is my simple words and my love.

The Bestie (1/?)

(i had no idea how to attack this fanfic because it's based on a dream i had but unfortunatly i can actually write my dream without having this part come out first.  It is Nc-17 but it is not hardcore smut its like rated R stuff) 
Title: The Bestie (1/?)
Pairing- Key/me (for this part) OnJongKey/me(bothe platonic and romantic it varies)  Jinki/Me (other parts)
Rated: Nc-17 (for the whole thing) this part is mostly just R i think ?
Notes: I don't own any of the guys (which is a tragedy but what can you do) On the plot (which this part doesn't much have one but the next one will LOL)
Also: this was alot harder to write then i thought it was going to be but i gotta say it is fun to write from Key's POV


I let the door slowly close behind me hearing it click into its lock as I slipped off my shoes. Her apartment was completely quiet. There was no music playing or random noise coming from the TV meeting my ears. At first I wasn’t really worried because I knew that sometimes she liked to read with her headphones on, on the couch. I figured she was doing just that and that was why she didn’t hear me come in so I put down my bag and walked further into her apartment. I caught sight of her sofa that sat empty up against her back living room wall and then quickly started scanning the rest of her apartment for her. 

            I found her sitting at her dining room table staring down blankly at what looked to be a letter. Slowly I made my way to the side of the table noticing a tan envelope neatly cut open. I let her name fall from my lips with worry “…Crystal?” Her eyes blinked once still staring at the open letter with messy English written on it. Clearly it wasn’t written by her mother. I watched her slowly turn her head to see me standing there beside her trying to read her expression for any sign of what was wrong. “Is everything…” I began at a low tone but her eyes quickly flicked up to meet my own and breathed out in an almost strangled voice, “Kibum ah” She didn’t smile and her left hand moved over the unfolded paper clutching at it so frantically that she practically balled it up in her small hand.

            I started again, “..Is there something?” This time I was stopped by the sudden creak of her chair being pushed back and her attempts to stand gracefully but her footing was shaky and she had to clutch at the table for support. “Wrong?” I finally let it out into the thick air as I watched her fingers pry away from what I could only assume was what had her in this state. I heard her take in a deep breath trying her hardest to keep it stable and not cry. “Kibum ah” It was so pained and I stood frozen in place as she closed the gap between us. Then I felt her hands grip my shirt before she rested her head on my shoulder and softly started to cry. Startled with a mix of confusion and worry I pushed myself to keep my tone level, “Tell me what happened. What is making you cry?”

            I could feel her warm cheek through my cold and slightly wet shirt against my collar as she shifted a bit and sniffed. She moved so her mouth wasn’t buried in my shoulder and she spoke slow with little sharp inhales still crying. “ After all this time….I finally got an apology for never admitting or saying goodbye.” Every single word she spoke was thick with sadness and relief. I knew who she was referring to and I immediately almost unconsciously moved my arms around her back to pull her close. I didn’t say anything because I knew there was nothing I could say that me letting her cry on my shoulder didn’t already convey. So we stood there in her dining room in almost pure silence save for her quiet sobs and the rain for what seemed like a long time but it was probably only a minute or two.

            I felt her begin to shift again turning her face into my neck loosening her grip on the hem of my shirt. I could feel her stuttered intakes and outtakes of breath, “You smell like rain.” Her whispered words and sigh hit my ears like a hammer to a nail followed by the tip of her nose brushing up against the skin where my neck and shoulder met. I knew I should’ve said something first but my arms instinctively squeezed on their own accord causing her lips to brush just lightly across my collar bone. I knew that my sudden reaction was going to have her trying to politely pry herself away from me feeling guilty about her actions but I wasn’t going to let that happen. She needed me and though I had been fighting it so hard since we got close I let myself admit that I needed it too.

            “It’s raining outside.”, I felt her arms move up my sides then down clearly trying to slide out of my hold but I just moved one of my arms to her shoulder laying my hand flat over her shoulder blade feeling the bone under her skin my other hand cupping the back of her neck guiding her head to rest on my chest. I couldn’t hear her little sobs anymore and I couldn’t even hear her staggered breathing anymore. This was expected; she was in shock, she always was whenever I suddenly hugged her, grabbed her hand, or touched her. But this… this was different then all those other times. This was not me just being friendly with my friend this time I was holding her. Holding her because; and this is hard for me to even think to myself, I was showing her that I cared for her probably more than I should.

            She started to tremble and I still hadn’t heard her start breathing again. I leaned my head down letting the hair on top of her head brush against my cheek breathing slow and heavy almost like a sigh. When my lips were a mere centimeter from her temple I hesitated and her body shook and she gasped filling her lungs with much needed oxygen. My heart was beating fast but I could feel hers practically slamming against her rib cage. Before I could even do what I had gotten up enough courage to do it was like she could read my mind or maybe my actions were just so obvious to her but she pushed her head back out of the reach of my lips and she locked her steel grey eyes with mine. They were still a little red from her crying but the eyes themselves they were questioning? Confused? 

            Her hands moved up my sides again, her eyes never looking away from mine and she opened her lips slow “Kibum ah?” She was questioning this, questioning me, but I had no words for her I only had… I can’t even explain what this was. My fingers slid down to grip her waist and I gently kissed her forehead. My heart dropped because it was so warm against my lips almost as if she was running a fever and I felt her tense up. I pulled her into a hug, “Crystal…”. She wasn’t fighting me but she wasn’t melting into my arms so to get the point fully across I tipped her chin up quickly catching her surprised expression before I pressed my lips into hers. She stayed still as I let them rest there for a moment feeling her plush lower lip against mine and her soft upper one twitch from the touch. 

            I didn’t want to disconnect to speak but I knew I needed to… I needed to explain because this surely made no sense to her. It barely made sense to me but I knew she needed an explanation so in a compromise I spoke slow while I was still ghosting my lips over hers, “ It makes no sense but I want to love you once, only once. Please…” She shivered and opened her mouth just a bit for an intake of air. My eyes still closed to keep from seeing her expression waiting for her response because in all honesty I was scared and unsure of myself. 

            The seconds that ticked away in silence were torture but the sudden feel of her arms wrapping around my back to grip at my shoulder blades had me blushing from the release of all my nerves. She hovered her lips from my jaw to my ear her breathing hitched having my mind racing at a million miles an hour thinking about every possible thing that could come out of mouth any second. “I am nowhere near good enough for your love, even if only once.” My heart stopped and I felt my throat go dry as she worked her way out of our embrace. I should’ve expected it, I should’ve said more but I was dumbstruck watching her walk back to the table. I looked at her back, the curve of it that screamed woman, something I thought I would never want but I did, right now. The only way she would believe it is if I was persistent and even then… and this made me wince there was the question if she would even let me. I had to take that risk even if it scared the hell out of me I had to reach out to see for myself.

            “Please”, it was all I said. It was all I had to say because in that one word I put everything I was feeling into it and I knew…I knew we were close enough that she would hear every single hidden meaning in it. Taking in the deepest breath I could muster I watched her turn around. Watched those hips turn. Watched her hair gently sway with her movement and finally watched her face come into view.  I hadn’t realized until that moment that my hands had been shaking and god her expression was full of concern like she was still trying to figure out what to say. She was piecing it all together like I had the past few days, the blink of finally understanding, and the widening of her eyes when she realized what it all meant. 

            She braced herself on the table behind her keeping her legs that seemed to want to give out extra support. “Kibum… but….It makes no sense…I’m…” She ran her fingers through her hair pushing it behind her ear but it fell back in place because her hair was too short. Avoiding my gaze I kept it still locked on her keeping it focused and determined. “I know, but even so…Just once.” In my head I kept repeating to myself “please understand that it’s just this one time and then I’ll let it go we’ll go right back to normal. Please!” I was screaming so loud in my head I was betting on our closeness, betting on her maybe feeling it too just more…controlled? The sigh that escaped from those lips made the heat rise up to my cheeks and I felt the blush spread out over them. “O-Okay” It was so quiet that I thought I was hallucinating and that she still hadn’t said anything at all but the look of resolution in those eyes of hers made me want to fall to my knees. I closed my eyes letting it sink into my skin, travel through my blood stream all the way to my heart and when I opened them her posture was timid and embarrassed; absolutely perfect.

            From that moment on I was like a man caught in slow motion because it seemed that every move I made was three times slower than I thought I was actually moving. I had no idea what I was doing because this form was new to me well new to me in this kind of situation but still I pressed on cause I couldn’t help myself anymore.

----------------------------------------------Change of POV-----------------------------------------------------------------

            I could hear the rain pelting against the windows behind me and I could still smell it lingering on his skin, calming me, letting me sink into his arms. I should’ve asked him more questions. I should’ve questioned more of his motivation but even though my brain was telling me it was all impossible my heart told me that his eyes weren’t lying and they told me everything I needed to know. Perhaps it was due to me being completely emotional about the letter or perhaps it was because he was my best friend but that would be a lie. It was because I felt it… in his arms, in his eyes, in his kiss; I felt his love. It was shocking but I couldn’t deny that it was genuine. I knew him well enough to know and I admit that I, in that way could love him like this, like him… just this once. Because he never lied to me and if he said he needed it just this once then I’d love him completely…just this once. I loved him enough for that, because we both knew we weren’t each other’s true love. We cared enough for each other to admit that; silently. 

            As his hands slid up my sides he let out his held breath and kissed me lightly on the jaw, “I’ll find him for you…your other half. But tonight I’ll be him.” I shuddered as his lower lip dragged up my neck my hands still clutching his t-shirt. I didn’t know what to say to that but I think he didn’t want me too anyways because he was sliding his tongue over my lips and his fingers were inching under the hem of my loose tank top. His fingertips brushing against my skin as his lips pressed flush against my mouth and his intake of breath through his nose loud mixing in the quiet that was only lightly filled by the falling rain. My mind wondered what it would be like if this was happening outside in the storm with the raindrops running down our skin, drops stuck to our eyelashes, and being licked off each other’s lips. Just the thought had me suddenly pressing back into his kiss opening my lips a bit and I sighed when his hand moved to the small of my back tracing down my spine. 

            I didn’t know how far he was going to go with this but when his tongue slipped into my mouth and it slid against mine I no longer cared. I had moved my arms to be wrapped around his neck and as he pulled on my lip with his teeth my thumb ran over his perfect jaw line shaky because gosh it was so utterly perfect I felt like I would be zapped just for daring to caress it. With one last long drawn out kiss that involved his tongue slowly sliding down my neck ending with his lips attached to my collar bone he pulled  away and looked me in the eyes. It was the first time I had ever seen that expression on his face. His eyes were somehow sharper and his brows were set in mid interest and determination, his lips a bit puffy from the kisses but they were pulling into a half smirk. He looked deadly like he was about to conquer the world and his eyes flicked and the light caught them just so, it was like they were glowing amber. I should’ve lost the strength in my legs but he didn’t give my knees the time to buckle before he was dragging me to my bedroom. His strong long fingers wrapped around my wrist guiding me into the dark of my room and his other hand closing the door behind me.

            The only light in the room was coming from my open window that glimmered from the lights of city blurred by the rain. We stood in the middle of my room just staring at each other until I reached out and fixed a piece of his hair that had become ruffled. It still had little drops of wet sticking to the strands and the feel of the water on my finger tips made a smile pull at my lips. He reached up to take hold of my hand resting it against his cheek as he stepped closer to me never letting go of my hand. He placed his other hand on my cheek and just stared into my eyes. They were flicking back and forth and his irises we huge in the darkness making his features even more defined. “I don’t know if saying it is something I shouldn’t…” I heard him swallow hard as his thumb moved towards my mouth. As it ran over my bottom lip I said, “Only If you want to.” My eyes fixed on him and my tongue flicking over the tip of his thumb. 

            In a flash his hand left mine and it dropped from his cheek to his shoulder as he quickly grabbed my hips and attacked my mouth with no reservations. I pressed into him feeling his figure right up against mine and even though I had hugged him a ton of times it was like the first time I had really felt him this close to me but it didn’t last for long because suddenly my tank top was being pulled off. I gasped when he backed me up into the window and the cold glass came in contact with my back. “Kibum ah?…” suddenly I wasn’t so sure of this and I thought to myself does he really want me like this? All I got in response was his mouth attached to my chest and his hand crawling across my stomach and a hummed “Mmmmm?” In my nervousness my heartbeat had picked up and my breathing had becoming rapid. I was apprehensive to touch him as he licked up my neck and popped the button of my shorts his hot breath making me blush as he slowly unzipped them. 


----------------------------------------------------Change in POV--------------------------------------------------------------

            She threw her head back as I pushed her shorts down and I had no idea how I did that without my hands shaking like crazy. Even in the low blurred light the soft shadows that were cast over her curves caused a huff to escape my throat. My head was spinning because I shouldn’t find this sight alluring. I shouldn’t find the curve of her hips beautiful. I shouldn’t think that the way her pale chest rose and fell in that light was addicting and that I wanted to run my hands over every inch of her and most of all I shouldn’t of been thinking of throwing her on the bed and making love to her…but I did.

            Her skin was smooth and soft under my fingertips and her kiss was like ambrosia but her hands stayed at her sides splayed against the glass as if she would fall. I wanted to feel them on me. I wanted those hands sliding across my skin so I pulled them away from the window and placed them on my hips just under shirt. I watched her bite at her lip unsure. When I grabbed at the hem of my tee and pulled it over my head laying it down gently with hers on her desk turning back to her I found her eyes wide and glued to my torso.  I smirked and grabbed her left hand sliding It up my stomach to my chest resting it over my heart closing my eyes at the feeling.

            Feeling her other hand run across my stomach I caught her back into a kiss enjoying every movement she made but I couldn’t ignore the tightness in my pants much longer. Even though I was eager I was still questioning myself which was stupid because my growing need should’ve been clear enough.

----------------------------------------------------Change of POV-------------------------------------------------------------

            My head had become dizzy from the feel of him under my hands because it was like I was slowly losing all my sense. I put more passion into our locked lips and slid my leg over his moaning into his mouth as I brushed up against the bulge in his pants. I felt him smile and all too quickly was I falling back onto my bed with  Kibum crawling on top of me his index finger running up my neck to my chin before cupping it and pulling it up to meet his face for a slow kiss. I blushed knowing what was coming next and his movements became like slow running liquid. His touches and kisses seemed to burn into my skin and it was unlike anything I had experienced before.

            The way he ran his hand down my thighs lightly not grabby at all and the way his mouth traveled down my shoulders while he worked off his pants. Everything he did was so…so right. He made me feel like I was the most treasured thing in his life, made it so easy to wrap my legs around his waist and let me rub up against him like a needy wanton reckless girl. All of which I wasn’t until he made me that way.

            His hips were sharp and the way he rolled them against me sent jolts up my spine. I had no idea how he knew what he was doing but god did he know. He went straight for the home run pulling down the lace that was all that was left of my modesty slyly positioning himself between my legs while I was distracted by his tongue doing things in mouth that well…they were too good to be true. I was completely blissed out when he jerked forward and my eyes flew open in surprise. We both stilled looking into each other’s eyes reading the other’s facial expression. The sound of the rain still falling filled my ears and I relaxed back into the comforter. I hadn’t realized that I had completely risen up and was clinging to Key like I had seen a ghost.  His eyes were glazed over and he was biting his lip. I could feel him completely and god had I miscalculated big time. There was a lot more to Kibum then I had thought. I didn’t even catch his look of concern before he couldn’t keep still anymore and began to move. He let out a low moan against my throat making my hips buck up into his. 

            He didn’t say anything just kept his lips attached to mine while his hands roamed everywhere down my sides and arms. At times when I would shift or roll my hips at a certain angle he’d let out huffs of breaths or low moans that just caused me to shake. It was only a couple of minutes before he got me on my hands and knees his hand running up my spine followed my his tongue and he left kisses between my shoulder blades before rolling those hips right back into me. He went slowly like he knew that this was the only time this would happen so he had to draw it out as long as he could. As I started getting close I would breathe his name completely touched out, “Kibum ah~”. He would lightly scrape his teeth against my skin each time I said his name. My legs started to shake and he sped up his pace,  his grip on my hips strong enough to almost bruise and when I bit my lip as I moaned into a pillow I heard him groan and felt him pull out. 

            I collapsed into the bed my legs still jerking a bit and I felt his hands wrap around me pulling me back into him. He kissed my shoulder before he got up and went to the bathroom for a minute before coming back with his boxers back on. I had slipped into new panties and a loose shirt crawling back into bed where he crawled back on top of me and kissed me softly. He still smelled of rain but now also of sweat and sex, “I love you.” He breathed it into my ear and I stayed quiet with my hand intertwined in his. After a few moments I turned my head to look into his eyes, “Just this once… I love you too.” He smiled and nodded, “best friends tomorrow and I’ll stand by my promise. I’ll find him.” I closed my eyes, “You don’t have to Kibum, I can find him myself.” He squeezed my hand, “Just let me do it okay.” I was tired and I didn’t want to argue with him so I just said fine and slipped off to sleep. 

------------------------------------------------Change in POV-----------------------------------------------------

            I watched her fall asleep and whispered into her hair when I knew she was completely out, “Don’t worry Crystal I think I already know who it could be. It’s just a matter getting you to open up.”


……………………………………………End of Part 1 …………………………………………………………………………


Chicken and Waffles Part2-2

The last Part and like i said before IT gets graphic *blush*

I was sitting at my desk looking at pictures online fidgeting nervously about what Jinki wanted to talk to me about. Did he find out about last night? Or worse did he find out about yesterday with Kiwi? I knew I had to talk to him about both regardless if he already knew or not but I had really wanted to be the one to tell him not hear it somewhere else. Jinki had only gotten upset or mad with me a few times before but it was never anything as serious as this and he was never really that mad before either but this time he just might be. I closed out of the browser and looked at my wallpaper which was a picture of me With SHINee backstage one night and it had been a few days after me and Onew had started dating. My boss had taken the picture and then sent it to me later. It was definitely one of my favorite pictures after the one I took of Jinki sleeping. I used that one as the screen saver to my Blackberry. I sat there staring at Jinki’s and Jonghyun’s smile and then at Key’s, Minho’s and Taemin’s who had grown even more since then and I missed those days a little.

      I was taking a sip out of my water bottle when I heard the familiar sound of my code being put into my door and the click of it being unlocked. I stayed in my chair trying to stay calm and my door swung open violently and Jinki came rushing in kicking off his shoes throwing the door shut. I looked in his direction with eyes as large as saucers. “Jinki what’s wrong?” He looked up at my face and he saw my surprised expression and chuckled as he curled up his fists and stalked his way to where I was sitting. He looked strange like he was strung out on something and also like he was extremely mad. He grabbed hold of my shoulders really hard gripping them and pulling them up to make me rise from my sitting position. Once I was up he looked me in the eyes and gave me a blank expression, “I need to talk to you.” He pushed me back to the sofa and then put his hands on the back of it looming over me with his head hung. “Tell me what you did yesterday.” I breathed in deep trying to gather up all my thoughts as quick as I could.

“Jinki ah before I tell you..let me explain..” He started shaking and then put one of his hands over my mouth, “Don’t give me excuses just tell me EXACTLY what you did yesterday don’t leave anything out.” I nodded my head and he slowly took his hand off my mouth to let me speak. “Fine. I got up, got ready, went to brunch with Kikwang, Hyunseung, and his girlfriend Renelle, then we went shopping, I bought some new clothes, I went to have coffee with Kikwang, then…” “STOP!” He grabbed my chin and held it up to look him in the eyes, “Your leaving something very important out in there. I believe I told you to tell me EVERYTHING you did yesterday now start over from the part where you had lunch without leaving any details out.” He let go of my chin and I moved my jaw around a bit trying to relieve the soreness, “We went shopping I picked out clothes for him to try and he picked out clothes for me to try on. Then we went to the dressing rooms I tried on a really amazing dress and..” “Crystal! Get to the point!” I sighed, “AFTER I tried on the dress he came in and told me he thought I looked beautiful then..he..well..” “Goddammit Crystal! He kissed you just say it! It’s obvious I already know so just say it!” His tone was grave and strangled, “Yes he kissed me! There are you happy now! I felt horrible about it and I wanted to tell you but you were gone.” He punched the sofa, “Continue!” I started shaking cause I really didn’t want to say anymore cause his disposition was getting worse and worse by the second, but I knew I would’ve had to get it out sometime. My voice was already horse from trying not to cry so I continued, “We had coffee where I turned him down, then I came home and changed and Jjong called me, He came over and we talked, He told me a lot of things…” His eyes were closed and his grip on the sofa was so tight I could see his knuckles going white and he spoke low, “STOP there!”,I saw the outline of all the muscles tense in his shoulder. “The whole whatever thing you have going on with him ends today. I cannot stand it anymore. It turns my stomach when I think about it.” I felt my anger switch flip and I pushed at his shoulders shoving myself up off the sofa to look him straight in the face, “Listen to me Lee Jinki he is my best friend here and even though I love you more than anything else in the world I love him too and if I can accept your feelings for Elaine and all those other girls your with then you can accept me and Jonghyun cause I already feel bad enough that I can’t love him like he loves me but I’m going to have him in my life and if you don’t like it well then I’m sorry. Because whether you like it or not I need him.”

      With those words he snapped and he turned me around and pushed my front into the wall holding my hands behind my back completely pinning me with his body, “You need him huh? He’s your best friend? You love him? Bullshit! You don’t need anyone but me, you only need to love me, and why the hell do you have a guy as your best friend..No I don’t accept any of it.” His grip on my wrists tightened and I felt him ghost his lips over my neck with angry puffs of air coming from his nose as he breathed. “Just thinking about how he could’ve had you in this same position with his lips running down your neck and his hands possessively on your waist with his chest pressed into your back. Fuck it makes me so pissed off.” He did every movement he described and I felt the electricity buzzing under my skin. “The thought that he’s caressed your bare skin while making love to you, it makes me want to break anything I can get my hands on.” He licked slowly up from my shoulder to my chin and then scraped his teeth on the way back down, “He did all those things didn’t he? He did them all yesterday?” With a burst of agitation he slammed his hand against the wall, “Did he? Crystal! Answer me!” I whimpered and nodded my head not being able to find the ability to mouth the word yes. He growled taking each of my hands into his hands and shoving them to attach them to the wall. “How could you do that to me? How could you let someone else love you like that?” I tried shaking out of his grip again switching my face from the right to the left where his face was on my shoulder, “The same way I allow someone else to love you. You run your fingers through their hair, lay soft kisses on their collar bones, and fall asleep holding them in your arms. Why can’t I have that for myself huh?” I was shaking in agitation and started to claw at the wall. Jinki slammed his mouth into mine with so much force that the side of my head banged up against the wall but I didn’t notice the pain as my oxygen was literally being sucked out of me. “I only do that with you. I swear the only girl I make love to is you.” He tried to kiss me again and though I wanted nothing more I had to stand my ground looking away from him, “I don’t believe you, I’ve seen how you look at Elaine. You love her as much if not more than me. You smile at her just like you smile at me.”I was fighting back the tears because it took so much for me to control my jealousy because I knew he hated it the most but what I hated the most was feeling like I was losing him. His hands loosened from my wrists and ran down my arms, “Fine, but she is the only one, none of the others. They are just flings” My arms fell to my sides and he wrapped his hands around my waist clearly trying to calm me down but my stomach was still in knots, “I hate this. I feel like I am always about to lose you, like I’m not enough. He keeps me stable, keeps me from breaking down. Just let me keep him like you keep her.” I felt his chest expand before he let out a defeated sigh, “I… I’m the one who’s afraid of losing you.”

      I spun myself around to face him seeing his expression that had so many emotions fighting for dominance. His arms didn’t move from their position around my waist and I slipped my hands over his sides to meet behind his back for a hug, “as long as you love me I can’t bring myself to leave you.” As if his heart decided to restart itself his movements became desperate like the lights went out and he couldn’t see a thing and he was trying to get his bearings. His eyes were the ones I missed so much. The ones mixed with love and desperation and they roamed over every bit of me like he hadn’t seen me in months which it kinda felt like he hadn’t. “This outfit I’ve never seen it on you before.”He ran the pads of his fingers across the light fabric that hovered across my stomach, “I got it yesterday..” His thumbs slid into the waist band of my skinny jeans and then he pushed my hips back up against the wall I had been pinned to most of our argument, “Beautiful like a fairy.” My heart skipped a beat and then felt like it was going to burst out of my chest when he slid his hand under my loose shirt running it slowly from my hip to just under my arm lifting my shirt enough for my skin to peek out from underneath meeting the cool air of the room. I watched his expression as his hands roamed across my stomach, over my hips, up my sides, then down my arms. He looked entranced and every time I would shiver his little smirk would spread across his lips and he would look like a little boy who was doing something terribly mischievous. When he had successfully gotten my skin to give off a even blush he raised my left hand to his lips kissing the top admiring the smooth pale plane and my small delicate fingers with natural bare nails. He kissed my palm and I felt my fingers brush against lips pulling a little at his bottom lip before he licked at my finger tip. “I love your hands.” He placed my palm against his cheek and it was warm just like his smile. “I know you do.” He raised his eyebrow, “There’s my girlfriend.” He closed the distance between us and licked my lips before pressing his own possessively into mine running his fingers from the back of my neck down my spine to the small of my back pushing my pelvis to meet his. I knew exactly what was going to happen next because we had done this so many times but when he moved his hands down to the back of my thighs then suddenly yanked them up almost pulling my legs out from under me to wrap around his waist I was completely taken by surprise.

      He was fierce devouring the skin stretched across my throat as I threw my head back to breathe after having the wind scared out of me. He was all tongue and teeth diligently making sure that every inch he could find exposed was given attention. He slid his left hand down my thigh to cup my ass and give it a squeeze and I squeaked in surprise pulling my head back to its upright position to catch his lust filled eyes in my own. That stare mixed with the new feeling of him slowly grinding into me was driving me crazy and I felt my tongue push through my lips and roll over my bottom lip and quickly flick over my top one when it reached the corner and my grip on his shoulders got tighter. He pulled me away from the wall and carried me to my table sitting me down on the edge with my legs still tightly wrapped around his waist. He gave me one more hot breathtaking kiss before he slowly pushed me back to lay flat across the table top slowly pushing up my shirt as he went along. Then he discarded the shirt over his shoulder to somewhere in my living room he leaning down to began trailing kisses from above my belly button to just below the material of my bra that connected the middle, his fingers splaying over my sides with harsh pressure because he knew that if he was too light with his touch I would break out into a fit of giggles. Nipping at my chin my chest was rising and falling like crazy and each time my exposed skin would meet his shirt stretched tight across his chest the friction would feel like little jolts to my heartbeat to make it go faster. It made me more aware of him there above me each time. Running my hand through his hair he shoved his tongue into my mouth licking at the inside of my cheeks and rolling it over my own. I arched my back lifting it off the table snaking my hand under his shirt feeling his smooth back pushing up the fabric as I trailed my fingers up his spine. Then he lifted up and grabbed at his shirt pulling it off slow like he was in some kind of commercial or something exposing his toned torso bit by bit and having me hold my breath in anticipation because I absolutely loved his chest, collar bones, and abs with an obsessive passion. My eyes roamed over the sight of his perfection, the collar bone that was dying to be licked, the chest that would have my hands and fingernails raking over them like possessed woman, and those abs it had only been a few seconds and my mouth was already filled with saliva from how delicious they looked.  

“Jinki ah…” I pushed myself up off the table sitting up to get up close to what I wanted but he held me off keeping my mouth from latching onto his collar bone. “No, No you know what you have to call me to get what you want.” I whimpered because I hated calling him what every fan girl he has screams at the tops of their lungs whenever they see him but he loves it when I say it pleading to get what I want. I reached out my hands trying to get at his stomach instead desperate to feel his abs under my touch but he tsk’d me pushing away my hands waiting to hear the words cross my lips. “I hate when you’re like this.” He smiled with a self assured smile, “You know you love it.”, he ran his finger down my chest all the way down to the top of my pants and yanked me off the table grabbing me into a tight embrace. I could feel his warm skin against mine, my creamy white against his slightly tanned and it was amazing how good it felt to feel his heart beating against mine. His grip on my arms was strong and the muscles in his arms contracted defining them more and the veins became even more visible and I felt like if he didn’t let me at him I would faint from the overwhelming need to taste him, feel every detail under my tongue and fingertips. He noticed my hungry eyes knowing good and well what I wanted, no, what he knew I needed but he always found the greatest satisfaction in using it to his advantage. “Crystal,” His hot breath was rolling up my neck to my ear and the way he slowly pronounced my name perfectly in English it sent a rush of heat from chest to my feet. “Can you say it for me?” His smooth seductive tone got me every time but this time he grabbed my hand and let it skirt over his torso adding insult to injury and I was completely gone. In my most absolute cutest pleading voice I let the words drip from my tongue, “Oppa, please.”

      He smirked in victory quickly pulling me from the dining room to my bedroom nudging my door closed with his foot all while keeping his lips still attached to mine. Since I said what he wanted I knew he would let me have what I wanted, pulling at the button of my pants I swooped down and went in for the attack. I attached my mouth to his collar bone and gripped tight at his biceps feeling at his magnificent muscles as I sucked and trailed my tongue all along his defined bone nibbling at the ends near his shoulders. He pushed down my jeans slow exposing my womanly curves gripping at the skin feeling my hip bone harsh under the smooth skin. I kept my steady worship of the smooth skin tight across his chest feeling him continue to push my jeans lower and lower down my thighs noting how his fingers lingered on the lace of my panties sweeping over them and outlining the pattern before he felt hot breath over his left nipple and then it was like he couldn’t get my pants off fast enough. I lifted each of my feet so he could throw them aside and then I went back to splaying my hand across his stomach shivering from the feel of his abs contract under my fingers each time he inhaled circling my tongue around his nipple before closing my lips around it. I heard him take a sharp intake of breath the tips of my fingers capturing the vibrations under his skin as he shivered, “MMmm you haven’t done that before.” I detached myself and looked up into his eyes biting my lower lip, “You never gave me the chance to.” I could see his eyes getting darker by the second and he quickly grabbed at my ass pulling me into him and Jesus I could feel hot and hard under his dark skinny jeans and I knew that if I hadn’t already soaked my panties they were now. “Well I’ll have to make sure I give you the opportunity to in the future.” My mind went hazy as he started to slowly grind into me and all the things I was wanting to do was forgot. I grabbed at his belt pulling at it like it was the bane of my existence ripping out of his belt loops while he waged a war my tongue and very much was winning. I inhaled deep basically sucking his tongue in my mouth as much as possible when I finally got his goddamn pants undone feeling his grip tighten on my hips bruising my hip bones but I didn’t care I just wanted him on the bed, pants off, and patient enough to let my lips attach themselves to his torso.

      His sharp hip bones were absolutely drool inducing and I noticed that he was wearing the Calvin’s I had bought him and god they were my absolute favorite because they cut half way down his devastatingly perfect thighs. He helped get his tight jeans the rest of the way before grabbing my waist and pulling me down with him as he flopped down my fluffy bed. He kissed the top of my chest and pecked at my collar bone before cupping my chin and pulling me into a gentle kiss that communicated how much he truly cared for me. With my legs bent on either side of his hips he skirted his hands up the back of my thighs and over my ass to my back. I started to mumble incoherently in English while I shimmied down to lick at his toned stomach and those cut hips running my finger down the deep line yanking down the one side of his boxers to bite at his hip bone feeling his warm dick pressed up against my cleavage. It felt so sinful but I couldn’t help rubbing up against it while I licked at his stomach like a cat drinking warm milk. He let out a deep moan when I pulled down his Calvin’s letting his infamous bulge free of its confines and oh was it the most glorious thing I had ever seen. It was no joke and the best part about it was he knew how to use every inch of it in the best ways. I swallowed hard because no matter how many times I had come face to face with it never failed to intimidate me each time and I was always amazed at how I didn’t pass out every time I saw it. As my hand roamed back over his thighs my mouth began to salivate like I was starving looking at the most decadent feast. I felt it pooling in my mouth and as I hovered my lips over him and slowly opened my lips lolling out my tongue it seeped out spilling down and hitting the tip of his cock sliding down the sides. Jinki breathed out a, “Oh fuck” and then quickly pushed up his hips pushing his dick into my waiting open mouth. This always made me feel dirty because I knew my lips were stretched obscenely around him and I knew he loved seeing me struggle to get as much of it in my mouth as possible. I could never get it all in there he was just too big and my mouth just too small but I made the most of what I could do sucking as hard as I could hollowing out my cheeks flattening my tongue with more spit seeping out the sides because it was just that good. I let my tongue map out every inch of hip kissing is places and sliding it back into my mouth before he ran his fingers into my hair gripping my neck and started bucking his hips. Relaxing my jaw I let him literally face fuck me regulating my breathing out my nose taking in his distinct scent. I closed my eyes listening closely to him pant and groan his rhythm becoming erratic which signaled that he was close. He slowed and pulled out and I gasped taking in my as much as I could before I grabbed the base with my hand and began to stoke attaching my lips to the tip sucking and felt his thighs begin to shake, “Shit. C, Come.” His broken English that was such a turn on for me that I moaned with him still in my mouth and that was all it took. He came hard in my mouth bucking his hips panting and cursing in Korean it was so sexy to watch him come, it took every ounce of control I had to not touch myself.

      I slowly pull myself away from softening dick and sat back on my legs with some of his come seeping out the side of my mouth as I tried to swallow the salty yet kind of sweet stuff that was coating the inside of my cheeks. He watched as I lazily stuck out my tongue and scooped up the bit that had escaped swallowing that too and then looking up to his face propped up on my pillows glowing in his after orgasm bliss. “You’re too good at that.” I smirked running my hands over his torso working my way back up his body, “I’m not all that I just know what you like and enjoy making you happy too much.” He smiled his effortless sexy smile moving the hair away from my neck to allow his lips to press up against the flesh and I felt the heat pooling in my stomach, “Jinki-ah, I need you.” He chuckled and his hand moved down my body to graze over my panties and his fingertips pressed up against my clothed heat. He rubbed against it and his breath hitched and I bit my lip pressing against his touch, “You weren’t kidding, my hand is soaked.” I blushed in embarrassment and pressed my face into the crook of his neck, “Don’t say that it’s embarrassing.” Jinki slipped his fingers under my waistband slowly pressing and feeling at my lower lips and I shivered cause it had been so long since he had touched me. “Mmpfh, please don’t tease me.” He seemed actually listen to me for once and stopped probing me and started to rub my clit causing my heart to go into overdrive and I was gasping into his shoulder. I started to nip at his jaw line when he slipped a finger inside of me and I stopped everything I was doing. I lifted up to hover over his face and kissed him hard as he started to move it in and out slow. He tried to get another finger in finding it difficult, “Tight as ever, damn crystal how can you still be like this after being fucked by me and Jjong regularly?” I giggled trying to relax so the second finger could slip in easier, “I dunno maybe I’m magic.” He laughed hard and I could feel his laugh all the way to his fingers moving inside of me, “You did not just call your cunt magical?” I smiled and bit my lips together, “So what if I did?” He smirked and pulled his hand away from which made me frown but he grabbed my hips and pulled me off of him and rolled me onto the bed pulling my ruined panties off and throwing them to where our pants were on the floor. “Oh I believe you I just couldn’t believe you said it out loud.”

      I rolled my eyes, “Mmhmm well enough talk more sex.” He smiled, “I’m that good huh?” I pulled him down and raised my eyebrow, “You have no idea, now fuck me before I go find someone else to do it.” I saw a flash of anger come over his face and that’s all it took for him to get his ego in check. He grabbed my hips pulling them to him and pushed into me with force and it fuck did it hurt cause he was huge. I know he saw the pain in my face cause he stopped and gave me light kisses holding me in his arms, “I’m sorry I forgot.” I told him that it was okay and just to go slow for a little bit then once I got used to it he could be whatever he wanted. He did what I told him going at a relaxed pace but that didn’t make it feel any less amazing. After a bit I started to push back to meet his movements while his face was buried between my chest leaving kisses as it heaved up and down with each inhale and exhale. “I love you so much.” His words filled my ears and made my heart swell with happiness and that happiness overflowed through my lips and into his. When I was really happy I couldn’t help but speak in English, “Jinki I love you too. So much you make me so happy.” I knew he understood me because he had learned basic English just for me and he smiled before he started to quicken his pace. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist allowing him to push in deeper making my head spin.

      He found the angle he liked the most and the pace that caused my eyes to roll into the back of my head. He pounded into me relentlessly sweat beading down his neck as he exerted himself. His eyes in a daze and his hands gripping tight on my flesh as he lost himself making me wither under him breathing hard my hot breath causing him to overheat even more. After awhile he lifted my legs and placed them over his shoulders driving it home like it was his job. “Fuck it’s still tight as hell.” I was too far gone to be able to form sentences and my legs started to shake as I knew I was getting ridiculously close. He quickly flipped me over pushing me onto my knees my back bending to stick my ass into him mewing feeling the cool pillow on my cheek right before he slammed back into me squishing my face into said pillow. I screamed as he became relentless one hand on the small of my back and the other on my shoulder pulling me back onto him. “Come for me baby.” Damn it that voice it hit me at just the right time and I groaned as I felt my muscles tighten around him inside of me and I came balling up my fist and pushing back on him as much as I could. He shuddered feeling me clamp around him and he sped up knowing he was going to be doing the same thing any second enjoying it before he pulled out and came all over my back just as my knees gave out and I laid flat on the bed.

      Jinki sat down and took a few moments to get his breathing under control before he got up and got some tissues from bathroom wiping up the mess on my back. We didn’t say anything to each other just attached ourselves together and laid back down on my bed kissing and taking a short break before round two because that was also something about me and Jinki we could never do it just once. After he thoroughly kissed and licked almost inch of me we went back at it for another hour before succumbing to tiredness and taking a shower together where all we did was kiss cause we were really to exhausted and my legs weren’t strong enough to handle it. I could feel the soreness in my muscles and my legs would shake and give out every once in a while and Jinki would catch me before I would fall. I knew it was going to be a pain in the ass to walk tomorrow but oh well it was worth it.

      I was towel drying my hair when I finally said more than three words to him, “You’ll stay tonight right?” He was pulling on a clean shirt from the drawer that had his things in it and he looked over to me and saw me spraying on the cologne that he had smelt on Jonghyun that morning and his face got dark, “Yeah I was planning on it but…” he saw my face light up and he didn’t finish his sentence before he grabbed me up in a hug his little bit of jealousy gone. I kissed his cheek, “But…” he shook his head and said he’d talk to me about it later and that he was hungry. I threw on some shorts and a pink v-neck t-shirt and made my way to the kitchen. I looked back over my shoulder to my amazing boyfriend taking small steps because it hurt to take long strides, “I’ll make you your favorite fried chicken and waffles.” The next thing I knew I was up in his arms and he carried me to the kitchen with a serious face, “from now on you can only cook this for me.” I thought about the meaning of what he said and then threw my arms around his neck for a hug, “That means I can keep seeing Jjong right as long as I don’t make him chicken and waffles?” He nodded, “Yes because it’s my favorite and I don’t want anyone else eating it but me. I’ll allow the rest because I love you.” I squealed in delight and planted kisses all over his face, “Jinki-ah! I love you, You’re the best! I’m going to make you the best damn chicken and waffles ever!” He laughed and let me down in the kitchen and I waddled over to the fridge happy as a clam. I’d call Jonghyun tomorrow after Jinki left in the morning because right now I just wanted to make the best food for my boyfriend and then fall asleep in his arms all full with his love and his favorite food.      

Chicken and Waffles part 2 -1

Okay this is ridiculously long (like 26 pages in word long so be prepared to be reading for a while)  so i had to break it up into two parts. also it gets really graphic in the next part  so this is not for the kiddies. This took me forever and i don't even know if im proud of it yet or not but i'm just glad it's done for people to enjoy so here it is.


      It was Wednesday morning and I was finishing getting ready to go out shopping with my KiKwang and Hyunseung of Beast who was bringing along his girlfriend Renelle. As I finished pulling on my sapphire blue sundress I looked at my phone and noticed that Jonghyun hadn’t texted me since he left Monday night. It was really strange cause he usually texted me throughout the day to find out what I was up to or tell me something funny he had seen throughout his day. I figured that if he didn’t text me by the end of the day I would give him a call and see if everything was alright he was after all my best friend. Besides Jinki no one made me laugh so much and no one made me feel so comfortable as my Dinojjongie. I could be myself around Jonghyun and be as much as a spazz as I wanted to be and not worry about always looking attractive so I wouldn’t be dumped like I did with Jinki. Even though I loved Jinki more than anything in the world there were times where I felt like if I wasn’t always understanding of him or didn’t always agree to what he wanted to do that he would resent me in some way. I admit that his roaming eyes sometimes made me worry because I knew I wasn’t the most beautiful girl and I certainly wasn’t like all the other girls around. I wasn’t Asian and I wasn’t stick thin so I at times would get self conscious of myself but with Jonghyun I never had to worry about that because we were just friends who had the oddest pull to each other. We are the definition of friends with benefits and I like how our friendship relieved the stress of competing with Jinki’s other girlfriends like Elaine who just also happened to be a friend of mine. Though Jinki was an idol he was very sneaky and had been keeping at least three relationships out of the public eye for over a year. I was his main Girlfriend but he spent the least amount of time with me so I had a lot of time on my hands to make friends like KiKwang who I got along so well with because we had similar personalities and we liked to go out places exploring when he had time off. We mostly talked about clothes and music plus he was a great workout partner. My thighs were perfect thanks to him. I was also friends with Jinki’s Super Junior Sunbaes who I frequently ran into at the coffee shop down the street and would chat with sometimes.

      I liked my life but sometimes I felt like Jinki was getting further and further away from me and it would bring my usual cheerful self down. If I didn’t love him so much I don’t think it would’ve been so painful but I was. Maybe that’s why I clung so hard to Jonghyun every Monday, he was steady to Jinki’s unpredictability.

      I put all my depressing thoughts out of my head and slipped into my sandals walking out into the day to meet up with Kiwi as I called him down the street at the trendy café.

“Kiwi!”I ran up to him smiling it had been almost two weeks since I had seen him because he was so busy getting ready for Beast’s comeback. At the table with him were Hyunseung and his girlfriend Renelle who I had met before. She was a nice girl who was head over heels for Hyunseung and when there weren’t many people around she clung to him like sticky tape. She reminded me of how I was with Jjong when we first started having our Monday meetings, the hungry eyes and the physical contact of some sort at all times. It was cute so I waved at both of them and said hello. Kiwi had a bright smile and his eyes scrunched up with it behind his fake dorky glasses. He adjusted his sideways oversized baseball cap and grabbed my hand to sit down beside him. “Crystal shii I ordered your favorite is that okay.” His smile was so bright I felt like I would be blinded but it was one of my favorite things about Kiwi he was so adorable and innocent even though he was devastatingly gorgeous. I had tried to introduce him to some nice girls but he was always too shy to talk to them. “Of course it’s fine, thank you.” I flashed him a sweet smile and made small talk with Hyunseung and Renelle who had their fingers interlaced on top of the table. I frowned thinking, “When was the last time me and Jinki and I held hands in public… it had been months and I missed the feeling of knowing I’m his with his warm hand in mine.” Kiwi caught my frown and nudged my shoulder, “Crystal are you not feeling well today? You’ve been taking the vitamins I recommended right?” I broke from my daydream and said, “Huh? Oh yeah I’ve been taking them they help me stay more alert at work.” He nodded seeing that my expression had gone back to being normal and then turned back to face forward when our food arrived at our table.

      Once we finished eating we started heading towards the new clothing store that had opened in the neighborhood that Kiwi had come across on one of his early morning walks. I walked beside Kiwi behind Hyunseung and Renelle who were in their own world. He was his usual spacey self looking around at the surroundings and pondering to himself saying very little to me which was how he usually was and I didn’t complain because I did the same thing. The store was interesting very much my style a little mix of every style each piece with something that made it unique and interesting mixed with basics to balance it out. “Oh wow Key and Jonghyun would love this place.”, I thought to myself walking around looking at all the amazing clothes I wanted to own for myself. Knowing myself too well I walked to the guys side of the store dragging Kiwi and started pulling things off the racks and holding them up to his form then if I liked what I saw shoving them into his hands. He wasn’t surprised as I had done this many times before. “Crystal… how come every time we go shopping you always get me to try stuff on but you never try anything on?” I cocked my head to the side looking at pair of distressed jeans and thinking. I turned to him placing the jeans in his hands and smiled, “because it’s so much more fun dressing other people than myself.” His expression changed into one I only saw when he was playing pranks on his fellow members, “Can I dress you today then?” My eyes got wide in interest and I tapped my finger against my lips looking around the store, “I suppose it would only be fair right? But I’ll tell you now that I don’t look good in a lot of things.” He shook his head, “you look great in everything you wear.” I told him that was only because I painstakingly search forever to find what would work on me. He said, “I’m sure it’s not as hard as you say it is.” I shook my head again, “Most stores here don’t have my size.” I pointed to my hips that were defiantly not like what Asian girls have though I had slimmed down a lot since I was younger my hips were still wider than your average girl. He placed his hand on my shoulder and told me not to worry and just have fun with it. I gave in and agreed to let him dress me up.

      Back on the girls side of the store I caught Hyunseung and Renelle out of the side of my vision looking at the couple rings. That was something I had always wanted with Jinki but I knew it wasn’t his thing so I tried not to pine over them. KiKwang handed me some pretty flowwy shirts and skinny jeans which surprised me because they were my size. He then piled a few dresses on me and some sweaters and skirts. He had picked out stuff that I would defiantly wear and some things that I knew probably wouldn’t look good on me but to make him happy I would try them. After filling my hands and his own full with the things I had put in his we made our way to the fitting rooms which were just a  series of curtains all connected with more curtains sectioning them off. It felt like being under a bunch of parachutes almost dreamlike. It made me feel light and airy. I threw on one of the dresses he had picked out that I thought wouldn’t of looked good on me. It was a light crème color with sky blue accents and it laid softly around my figure like butterfly kisses against my skin. I looked at myself in the mirror and gasped. I had never looked angelic in my life as my style was always trendy and edgy like my hair but today I pulled my hair back so most of the edge was gone and I stared at the figure in front of me who’s skin was so translucent yet glowing in such a pretty way and my eyes popped and turned a clear almost turquoise blue. I had never looked so pretty in my life. I heard the rustling of the curtain behind me and being dazed fixed on my reflection I didn’t even jump when I felt a hand grab onto my forearm. Kiwi wrapped his arm around my shoulder standing behind me and looking into my eyes reflected in the mirror. “You look beautiful.” Those words shook me from my toes to the hair on top of my head I shivered under his grip. “Kiwi this dress….”…… “Is perfect.”, He whispered it into my ear never loosing the contact with my eyes. If I wasn’t in so much shock at my appearance I would’ve seen what was coming from all the signs he was throwing out but I was light headed and felt like I was in a dream as he turned me to face him and he leaned down to lightly kiss me taking a picture of it with his cell phone. On the sound of hearing the click all the blood rushed to my heart and I immediately knew I just let something that should’ve never happened, happen. I stayed silent as he looked at the picture on his phone smiling so sweetly watching him raise his eyes back to my face and then I saw it the expression I was hoping wouldn’t be there. The look of longing and my heart sunk. He spoke softly moving to touch the fabric of the dress, “I’m going to buy this for you.”I shook my head and told him no and to buy what he wanted for himself and that I would get it myself. He insisted but I stopped him again saying that it was too much pushing him out of the dressing room saying I needed to try on the rest. I felt so bad the rest of the day because every time I changed into a new outfit he picked out I looked so amazing and lovely that I kept losing my head and he took every opportunity to steal child like pecks of my lips smiling like an idiot and taking pictures of the two of us in our outfits.

      After we had paid for our clothes Kiwi and I  walked out with our shopping bags and we were both on a shopping high but I knew I had to be square with him about our relationship. I was about to open my mouth as he slid his hand in mine looking straight ahead smiling. “Kiwi… we need to talk about what happened today.” He slowed down then stopped and squeezed my hand, “Crystal, I know you have a boyfriend but I know he doesn’t exactly see you exclusively so…can’t we be more than just friends.” I frowned and I could feel myself begin to tear up. It seems that Jinki wasn’t being as secretive anymore because now even people who he wasn’t close with knew about it. I turned to Kiwi and looked him straight in the face, “Kiwi you know that I cherish you as a good friend and we have a lot of fun together but I love Jinki and I only see you as a friend I’m sorry if I had led you on today I was a little out of it…” He interrupted looking down at the ground, “as you know your boyfriend is cheating on you?” I shook my head violently, “No that’s not it I know about it and let him do that.” He looked up at me shocked. “You let him see other girls? Why? Isn’t that like something girls never allow?” I tried to explain to him that I knew how guys usually can’t keep their attention on just one girl no matter how much they loved her and so I rather know about it then be lied to. I did let out that sometimes I got lonely because of it but I told him I dealt with it letting the fact that Jonghyun was the one who kept me sane to myself.” Because Kiwi felt that this was something we needed to talk more about as he wanted to fully know why I was refusing him we went to a coffee shop and I explained to him in detail how me and Jinki’s relationship worked. By then end he finally understood and said, “regardless I hope you know that I can’t help how I feel about you and I don’t want it to get in the way of our friendship so I hope you will allow me at least that.” I grabbed his hand and smiled with a small tear rolling down my cheek, “Of course, I wouldn’t think of letting something like this break up our friendship. Though we can’t completely ignore it I know we can work it out.” He sighed relieved and we hugged, him grabbing hold tightly before we split up to go home.

      When I got back to my house I was emotionally drained and I just wanted to hear Jinki’s voice but I knew that he was out with Elaine tonight and he was probably too busy to answer my calls so I grabbed a bottle of water out of my fridge and plopped down on my sofa drinking it down smoothly. I suddenly felt so alone in my living room and I couldn’t help but feel like everything was unraveling in my heart and I started to panic. I needed something to stop myself from falling to pieces and the only person who I wanted to fix it was off with another girl. It was the only downside of sharing your boyfriend with others, he was never around when you needed him most. I stared to really get sad when my phone buzzed in my purse by my feet. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID it was a picture of Jonghyun with blowfish cheeks wearing a hat, it was so adorable that it made me feel a little better. I picked up the phone, “Jjong?” There were a few moments of silence and the clicking of a door, “Crystal?” His tone was hushed. “Yeah what’s up why are you whispering?” I heard the opening of another door, “He’s not wit you right?” I assumed he meant Jinki, “No he’s with Elaine tonight.” I sighed heavy slumping into my couch, “Why do you ask? Is there something wrong? Is that why you haven’t called me for two days?” He let out his own sigh, “I have to see you tonight. You’re sure he won’t be coming to see you or contact you tonight?” I was confused but I told him no and that he never called me when he was with Elaine. “I’m coming over then.” He abruptly hung up on me and I had no idea what was up with him he never asked to come over any other day then Monday.

      I had put away all my new clothes slipping into one of the outfits KiKwang picked out for me and looked at myself in the mirror. Somehow Kiwi knew how to dress me so well almost better than myself and it made me shiver to know how long he must’ve observed me to know my figure so well without actually properly touching it. I was brushing my bangs to the side when I heard the code being punched into my door and the click of the lock being released followed by the door opening slowly. I poked my head out my bedroom door and saw his silky chocolate brown hair bent down to take off his shoes in the doorway and then when he raised his head and caught sight of me staring he gave me a smile the smile that reassured me whenever I felt inadequate. I came out of my room and he looked me up and down. His jaw dropped and his expression was so adorkable that I started to giggle like a school girl. He dropped his bag by the wall in the hallway and his hand lifted in front of him shaking a bit. I gave him a quizzical look and he inched closer and closer to me with his eyes on my figure and then to my face. “Crystal… those clothes.” I smiled brightly and he stopped in his tracks his expression back to awe. “Do you like them? Kiwi picked them out with me when we went shopping, which reminds me I really need to talk with you about some things that happened.” His expression changed instantly into worry and what looked like a little fright. “Things that happened?” He started looking around nervously, “did you talk to Jinki already?” I Tilted my head to the side rolling my eyes in confusion, “uh, No. He hasn’t talked to me since Sunday. Why? Is there something I’m supposed to hear from………” I stopped talking my brain suddenly flashing with a heavy assumption that made me want to throw myself to the floor. I looked into his eyes with horror, “Is.. Is he going to break up with me?” Jjong grabbed my shoulders which just scared me more thinking he was about to break the news to me. Why was Jjong the one to tell me? He wrapped his arms around me and said, “No, I’m sorry I scared you thats not what I meant at all, just forget I asked okay.” He smoothed my bangs away from my face, “Calm down its okay. C’mon lets just go sit down.” I felt his hand softly run down my back then he guided me to my living room sitting me down on my sofa. I was still trying to shake off the unnecessary shock when I noticed he still looked paranoid. “Jjong you are sure that’s what you meant? Because right now your acting like your holding something big from me and the only thing I can think of is..” I turned my head away about to finish the sentence when he interrupted, “I told you that’s not it but I will tell you after you tell me what you were going to say earlier.” I sighed and then pushed back to lean into the sofa, “well as long as you promise to tell me later… I guess I can be patient.” Jjong told me to proceed with what I had to say. I leaned my head on his shoulder, “I was confessed to today. He kissed me again and again in the dressing room of the store and I was in such a daze that I didn’t do anything about it.” I felt Jjong stiffen under me and felt him shift a little. “He knew about Jinki’s affairs. Kiwi isn’t even close with him so they only thing I could think of is that he must be getting sloppy. I told him the truth about me and Jinki’s relationship and that I only thought of him as a friend but it hurt so bad to break his heart.” Jjong pulled me up into a hug, “He told me I was Beautiful..I haven’t heard that in so long.” I turned my head to look Jjong in the eyes, “Did I fuck up?” He touched the soft fabric of my dress in silence and splayed his fingers across my side feeling the fabric slide under his touch while lowering his chin on my shoulder. “No you didn’t do anything wrong. You were honest with him and…” Jjong was never this delicate when handling me ever and I was starting to sense that something had changed in how he touched me. He let out a sigh against my neck that made me shiver, “You are beautiful and right now you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” His tone of voice was one I had never heard it was soft, light, smooth, and filled with an emotion that he and I both knew was never supposed to be between us, Love. I slowly unhooked from his hold on me and turned to look him in the face. His expression was a mix of despair, love, and nervousness. He gently kept his hold of my hand and rubbed his thumb in my palm waiting for me to say something knowing I was smart enough to read what was going on. “What was it that you needed to tell me Jjong.” His expression became even more gloomy as his pressed his palm of his free hand against his forehead like he had head pains. “He overheard me talking to Kibum about Mondays lunch.”My eyes widened while he continued, “I didn’t think he was there and he lashed out at me in a fit of jealousy saying that I could never see you again. Crystal… He can’t do this to us. I can’t let us break apart because…”

      “Because you love me.” He looked up to read my eyes that were soft with forgiveness as well as understanding. I had to admit that at that point I was also in a way in love with Jonghyun. He filled a void in my heart that even Jinki couldn’t fill. He was my best friend as well as someone I physically loved but his place in my heart was still nowhere as large as Onew’s. I tried to figure out how to explain to Jjong how I felt but all that could come out was. “Jonghyun My love for you may not be the same as your love for me but I do love you too and I can’t see my life without you or him in it so…” He smiled so wide and beautifully and grabbed me up into a hug breathing into my shoulder, “You love me too?” I didn’t even have the time to finish what I was saying before his oh so familiar lips were on mine but the kiss was so different this time it was so sweet I thought I was going to get cavities from it. His touch was so delicate on me like I was porcelain doll that would break if he put anymore pressure to the pads of his fingers. I was shivering cause I had only been handled that way by one other person and that’s when it really sunk in that my Best friend was completely in LOVE with me not just young love but full blown forever type of love and my heart sunk because I almost felt guilty knowing that even though I loved him too I would never love him as much as he loves me. “Jjong…” He stopped what he was doing and held still waiting for me to talk. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow okay I’ll try to get him to understand.” I could see the tension release in his shoulders and he looked at me taking in my entire appearance again smiling before kissing my forehead, “I love you.”

      Though we had been through the motions so many times before it was completely different this time, everything was slower, gentler, more like speaking with your body than with words. And even though it felt right and I knew it was, I still couldn’t help but feel a bit of lingering guilt afterwards as I laid awake with Jjong’s hold around me. I just had to keep telling myself that he was doing the exact same thing with her and that if I had learned to accept it as part of who he was that he would accept this as part of who I am because I also loved the boy who arms were warm around me.

      “Jjong” I shook at his shoulder after taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and getting dressed. He scrunched up his eyes stretching his arms and legs like a lazy tiger then yawned as he slowly opened them to the light of the room. “Mmm ?” I laid down beside him on top of the blankets and turned my face to his, “Time to wake up though I would love to lay around all day with you I have to go to work and that means you do too.” He rubbed his eyes still half asleep and pulled me closer to him laying his arm across my torso, “What time is it?” I turned my head to my right to look at my clock on my side table. “It’s 5:30 am, I’m getting you up early so you can take a shower before you go back to the dorms.” He groaned and began to sit up, “So early… please tell me you still have Jinki’s body wash in your shower I don’t want to smell like coconuts all day.” I pursed my lips at him, “I like the smell of coconuts.” He poked my cheek, “I know but if I smell like you all day it’ll be hard for me to concentrate and the guys will notice I smell like a girl.” I watched him smile and slide off the bed lazily, “Fine and yeah his stuff is still in there. I folded your clothes and put them over there, you already know where the towels are.” He nodded seeing his clothes neatly piled on my arm chair grabbing them and walking to the hall closet where the towels were. “While you are in there I’ll make breakfast anything in particular you want?” He twisted his torso cracking his back taking a large fluffy sea green towel in his hands, “French Toast and sausage.” I hopped off the bed and walked up to him wrapping my hands around his waist and whispered into his ear, “I spoil you too much.” I kissed his cheek and walking off to the kitchen letting him take his shower.

      After a happy breakfast I pushed him out my front door while he kept trying to kiss me goodbye for like the tenth time. “Kim Jonghyun if you don’t leave now you’ll run into people and won’t make it back before your manager shows up.” He looked at me like I really knew their scheduling too much but he accepted my scolding and agreed to go finally after a tight hug. “I don’t know if I’ll see you later or not they might keep me working the closet today and not actually dress you guys so I’ll text you okay.” He nodded and then made his way to the elevator at the end of the hall waving before he got in. I walked back in to start the dishes and I had a sinking feeling that today was going to be a long day.

      Jinki was sitting in the salon chair getting his hair fixed still a little sleepy but overall in an okay mood. His date with Elaine last night was fun they took a boat ride, had a picnic, then made out for like ever on her couch while not watching the movie that was playing on the TV. He wondered why even after all that making out he didn’t feel like having sex for once and it kinda bothered him but he figured it was because he had a lot on his mind. He had closed his eyes while the hair stylist tweaked his hair when he became aware of a presence sitingt down in the chair next to his. “That smell..” He thought to himself trying to figure out why it was familiar and then his eyes opened wide when he realized its origin. “That’s Bulgari pour homme soir the cologne that Crystal sometimes wears.”

      He turned to look at the person who was sitting beside him knowing it couldn’t be me. He saw Jonghyun there tapping away at his blackberry texting someone. Jinki twitched and began seeing a bunch of scenarios of how he got that specific scent on him. Jjong finished his text and looked up from his phone meeting the stare of his leader who was looking at him puzzled. “What? Does my hair look funny?” He looked into the mirror in front of him turning his head left and right inspecting his hair smoothing down the hair near his temples before looking back to Onew who was still looking at him intently. “Hyung, why are you looking at me like that?” Onew gave him a once over glance, “Did you go shopping yesterday?” Jonghyun looked at Jinki confused, “Uh no I was in the studio and then the gym all day yesterday why?” Onew bit his lip and turn back to face the mirror in front of him with a slightly annoyed expression, “Ah, I see so when did you get that new cologne?” Jonghyun watched Jinki’s face get more annoyed knowing that there was more to that question than just wanting to know about the fragrance he was wearing but he had no idea what was making him look so hostile. “I didn’t buy it I borrowed it.” Jinki stiffened at his statement and took a deep breath. While Jonghyun watched his leader get more and more agitated he finally put the puzzle pieces together that he was most likely wearing either his cologne that he left at Crystals or had recognized that the scent he had borrowed from Crystal was one that Jinki knew well enough as one his girlfriend wore a lot. He didn’t really think about it when he sprayed some on after his shower that morning but now he was scrambling to come up with a good lie.

      Jinki let out a heavy breath and turned to look at Jonghyun who was clearly thinking about something pretty hard. “Oh really, I like it do you remember what it’s called? If you don’t I can ask who you borrowed it from.” Jonghyun tried to keep the tension out of his shoulders as he was being interrogated by Jinki, “No I don’t remember the name and I borrowed it from a guy at the gym early this morning because I forgot mine.” Jonghyun was pretty proud of himself for coming up with such a good lie like this on the spot. All the practice of having to lie on variety shows was paying off. Onew knew he was probably lying but figured now wouldn’t be a good time to call him out on his Bull shit when they had a schedule to go to in a matter of minutes. He shrugged saying oh and pulled out his Iphone to text someone acting like he suddenly wasn’t interested. Jonghyun was completely confused as to why Jinki was letting it go so easily but was still glad that he seemed to be in the clear. He made a note to never borrow my stuff again without thinking first. He became startled when his phone buzzed in his hand seeing a picture of me smiling wide with a lollipop stick sticking out the side of my mouth flash on his screen. He opened my reply from the text he has sent earlier.

“I’m going to be organizing all morning. Good luck at the recording <3”

      Jjong sent a quick thanks and then erased both messages knowing that it would be bad if Onew knew they were still talking and he didn’t like that now he had to be even more careful than he was before when he was okay with it. As he slid his phone into his pocket he caught Jinki tapping away at his own phone. “How was your date with Elaine last night?” Onew’s fingers stopped moving and he turned to look at his younger band mate, “What? Why are you bringing her up?” Jonghyun licked his lips in nervousness, “Aren’t you texting her now?” Onew quickly finished writing his text pressed send and then turned back to look at Jjong, “I wasn’t texting her. I was texting Sun Hye.” Jonghyun raised his eyebrow he didn’t know who Sun Hye was, “Oh, who’s that?” Jinki’s phone went off with the reply and he talked as he read it and then began to reply to that as well, “A friend of mine why are you so interested in who I’m talking to?” Jjong shrugged his shoulders feeling annoyed with how Jinki was apparently now talking to a new girl along with all his others, “I dunno guess I’m bored.”Annoyed he got out of his seat and walked away leaving Jinki.

      Onew looked at the background of his phone which was me holding up a sign in front of my face that read “Lee Jinki, I love you.” He smiled and remembered he hadn’t talked to me in over four days and felt a little bad about it quickly opening a new message draft. “Hi, I’m guessing because I haven’t seen you this morning that you are working at the office. Don’t work too hard.” Satisfied that he filled his role of being the caring boyfriend he slid out of his chair and grabbed his backpack swinging it over his shoulders and put his phone into his pocket and made his way to the front of the salon to leave with the rest of the members. In the car his phone buzzed with me making a heart with my hands my hair shining from the diminishing sunlight behind me.

“I won’t J Good luck today! Remember to stay hydrated laughing a lot dries your throat. Love you <3.”

      Jinki felt another pang of guilt much like he had last night but he pushed it out of his mind as he entered the television recording studio to shoot an episode of Strong Heart. He and the rest of the members greeted everyone and he noticed that the members of Beast were looking bubbly as ever. He wasn’t very close with them but they did get along and he knew I got along with them very well and he couldn’t remember if they knew he was my boyfriend or not so he talked with them about other things. During the recording Jinki and Jonghyun were asked about what they thought of the new girl group members that had just debuted in their company. Jonghyun said that he thought they were cute dongsaengs and had a lot of talent and should be very successful. He spoke like a real pro. While Jinki said he liked their dance a lot and did a fail impression of it for the recording getting laughs out of the guests and MC’s. Then they asked the guys of Beast if there was anything they wanted to let out in the open and Yoseob said he had something very juicy to share which gathered everyone attention. He held up a cell phone saying “Our KiKwang recently kissed a girl that wasn’t related to acting.” KiKwang tried to get the Cell phone away from Yoseob blushing while everyone was gasping and trying to see the photo. “I saw it as his background yesterday and I had to fight him for a whole hour before he told me how it happened.” The MC became very interested trying to get Yoseob to explain and show the photo to the camera. Jinki wasn’t really interested in the fellow idol’s love life but the rest of the members of SHINee were especially Jonghyun who was pushing like mad to get a look which surprised Onew as Jonghyun usually wasn’t interested in that stuff. Yoseob continued with the story that it was KiKwangs friend who was a girl that he had a crush on and confessed to but sadly he was turned down as she already has someone she likes. The MC was asking a bunch of question like who she was and what she did and where she was at now. KiKwang was blushing and had got back his phone finally from Yoseob but not before Jonghyun had gotten a good look and indeed it was what he feared. His heart dropped and his face went pale and he wanted to scream at Kikwang to erase that picture quick before anyone else demanded it be show to the camera but he knew he couldn’t do that without being questioned so he trudged back to his seat praying that they would let this go and he would talk to KiKwang after the recording about it.

      The conversation ended after Kikwang said that he is still just friends with the girl and that his fans need not worry as he is still single. Jonghyun could not believe that Kikwang was allowing this scandal out and knew that I was going to have a heart attack when I saw the broadcast. Jinki also could not believe that KiKwang was allowing such a scandal get out but he shrugged it off as something to raise ratings and gain more attention for Beast’s new album. When they finished he saw Jonghyun go up to Kikwang and ask to talk to him alone which Jinki found odd. He followed them and heard Jjong whispering in a frantic tone “You need to erase that picture before the public sees it, she is going to freak out when she sees the broadcast.”… “I’ll tell her about it I’m sure she won’t be that mad it’s not like I said her name or showed the picture and to be honest I didn’t know Yoseob was going to say that there was a picture.”Jinki overheard Jonghyun huff in agitation which was weird, “Did Jonghyun know the girl?” Jonghyun continued to scold KiKwang in a whispered tone, “Her boyfriend is here too how can you be so reckless if he saw you’d be dead. You are so lucky I already knew about this or I’d of grabbed your throat out there.” He heard KiKwang gulp and suddenly felt anxious “Why did Jjong know about this already and how could he kiss a girl who already has a boyfriend and then talk about it on a show where her boyfriend……” Suddenly Jinki started shaking. He was trying to calm down trying to tell himself that what he was thinking couldn’t be true until he heard what KiKwang said next to Jjong. “How did you already know about it? Why did she tell you and why are you so worked up about it you’re not her boyfriend Onew sunbae is.” All the air in Jinki’s chest came out in one heaving exhale and he rounded the corner like lighting pushing past Jonghyun who was in complete shock shoving Kikwang who stumbled back in surprise. “Yah! You kissed my girl friend? What the fuck Man!” Jonghyun grabbed at Onew trying to keep him from trying to fight KiKwang. “Yeah I did! Why do you care so much you cheat on her anyways I’ve seen you with other girls before.” Jinki’s face began to grow red in anger, “That’s none of your business and besides she is still my girl friend. I should hit you for touching her.” KiKwang rolled his eyes, “Whatever you don’t treat her like your girlfriend. I think I see her more than you do and by the way SHE TURNED ME DOWN.”Onew moved to try and grab the other Idols shirt but Jonghyun stepped in front him , “Hyung right now is not the place to be fighting there is a lot of people around and if you hurt him questions will be asked.” Onew was officially pissed off beyond care and he shoved Jjong against the wall, “You! Why the hell did you know about this! You talked to her didn’t you. No! wait..You were with her last night weren’t you? That is her cologne that she wears sometimes on you isn’t it. I told you not to see her anymore!” Onew shoved Jonghyun hard up against the wall again and Jonghyun winced as his back collided with the hard wall. “I’m her best friend she talked to me about it cause you were OUT WITH ELAINE!” Kikwang stood there watching the drama realizing there was a lot more to this whole thing than he knew and he couldn’t help but interrupt because he was concerned about how I fit into this whole thing. “Sunbae I don’t think you have a right to be jealous of her having guy friends as he clearly just proved that you have side relationships.” Onew couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy he kisses his girlfriend and then talks about it on national television thinking that he as the girl’s boyfriend has no right to be mad about it. “You shut up the hell up and stay out of this.” He turned back to look at Jonghyun who he had pinned to the wall, “You! I already told you not to see her again and you went behind my back. I bet you didn’t go to the gym at all last night you were at her house weren’t you? Eating her homemade food and..and..” He reared his fist back about to punch Jjong in the stomach when he heard his cell phone go off. Jjong took the opportunity to wiggle out of Onew’s grip and Onew reached for his phone which had the familiar photo of me flashing on it.

“Just finished with work I’m going home for the rest of the day. Hope recording went well. <3”

      Onew looked up to the two guys and told them that he was leaving to go see me and would finish this whole argument later and dialed my number as he yelled at Jjong to tell their manager he was leaving first. Jonghyun called after him, “Hyung! You better not hurt her!”


“Yes? What’s up are you already done filming?”

“Yeah I’m coming over we need to talk.”

“Huh? What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“I’ll tell you when I get there.”


      I was sitting at my desk looking at pictures online fidgeting nervously about what Jinki wanted to talk to me about. Did he find out about last night? Or worse did he find out about yesterday with Kiwi? I knew I had to talk to him about both regardless if he already knew or not but I had really wanted to be the one to tell him not hear it somewhere else. Jinki had only gotten upset or mad with me a few times before but it was never anything as serious as this and he was never really that mad before either but this time he just might be. I closed out of the browser and looked at my wallpaper which was a picture of me With SHINee backstage one night and it had been a few days after me and Onew had started dating. My boss had taken the picture and then sent it to me later. It was definitely one of my favorite pictures after the one I took of Jinki sleeping. I used that one as the screen saver to my Blackberry. I sat there staring at Jinki’s and Jonghyun’s smile and then at Key’s, Minho’s and Taemin’s who had grown even more since then and I missed those days a little.




Chicken and Waffles Part 1

This is a random scenario including myself/ Jonghyun/ and Onew Its smutty but to be honest i could've made it so much worse but this is the first time i'm writing this kind of thing for other people to read so i kept it somewhat tame. The grammar might also not be amazing so please deal with me and of course ENJOY !


MMMMMmmmm *NOMNOMNOMNOM* Jonghyun was seated happily at my breakfast bar in sweat pants and a loose navy t-shirt stuffing more waffles into his mouth. “Crystal, this is amazing who thought of this combination of fried chicken and waffles?” His eyes were sparkling in delight as he poured more syrup over his waffles and he looked like he was eating the best thing in the entire world. I was plating my own waffle and spreading some butter on it and thought about his question for a minute. “ummm, well I’m not sure if it started in Harlem New York or Atlanta Georgia but all I know is that people in the south love it and I have it at least once a year when I’m in the mood for it.” He took a bite of both chicken and waffles and threw his head back in happiness, “Sooo good. It’s like I can’t even explain this.” I sat down beside him and laughed agreeing that it was indeed a magical pairing of savory and sweet.

                It was Monday which was the day when I and Jjong had our little “meetings”. We basically would hole up in my apartment watching movies, eating my home cooked food, relaxing, and of course rolling around in my sheets. There was just this crazy pull about Jjong that had me mesmerized and eventually had me so lustful for him that I cheated on my boyfriend and his band mate Onew with him every Monday while Onew was busy with his individual schedule. Onew of course knew about this and though he said he didn’t mind because I let him see other girls as well so why can’t I see other guys, I could tell sometimes he was jealous. I thought it was cute and it made me love Onew even more but sometimes I would resent how much power Jjong had over me with his sexy stare and that tongue that he would tease me with by licking his lips like they were made of candy or something.

                I remember the day I couldn’t take it anymore. We were at this club with the rest of the guys and me and Jinki had been dancing just goofing around like we always did when he said he was going to go the bathroom and then to the bar for some drinks.  He left me alone out on the dance floor and the song changed to this really amazing song with a sexy beat and I started moving to it swaying my hips seductively and running my hands along my sides down to my thighs when I saw Jjong staring at me and coming my way with his eyes intense black and oozing sex so much so that I couldn’t look away.

                I had found Jonghyun attractive since the first day I met him but I never got to know him like I did Jinki who pursued me and treated me with such love. Jjong had barely paid me much mind when we first met and so I assumed I just wasn’t his type but I was wrong. There on the dance floor he grabbed around my waist and pulled me close to him staring so intently into my eyes that I felt all of the breath in my lungs disappear into nothing, “Fuck, You looks so damn sexy out here moving like that. It drives me crazy that I can’t have you and Shit, do I want you so bad.” He pushed his leg in-between mine and pulled me onto it and I ground into his leg completely dazed from the words he just whispered in my ear. He laid his hands on my hips and licked his lips as I swayed to the music feeling like I was in a dream. “Just once….” He was breathing hard against my neck. “Just let me have you once please, I won’t tell Hyung. I just…..” His grip on my hips got tighter and I ran my hands down his arms feeling his muscles flex as he held onto me and I was completely entranced in his gaze and I was feeling exactly what he was feeling. “You just need it so much but you don’t know why?”  He pulled me in closer with eyes that were somehow even darker with lust. “You feel the same way? Oh god this is so bad.” And he was right it was bad, it was really bad and I felt like a greedy ungrateful slut who apparently didn’t appreciate her boyfriend enough because god dammit I wanted his friend and band mate so bad and I couldn’t even explain why I felt so needy about it.  From anyone else’s point of view me and Jjong looked like we were about to rip each others clothes off and just go at it right there on the dance floor, that’s how bad it was and I immediately snapped out of my trance when Jinki came into my vision while I was still very much attached to Jjong. I tried to play it off sliding away from Jjong but Jjong held at my hips possessively like I was some kind of cat that would leap out the window and never be seen again if he let go. “What’s this?” Jinki only looked at me noticing my dazed almost drunk eyes and then quickly looked to Jjong for an explanation. Jjong being Cocky laid his chin on my shoulder and looked dead set into his leaders eyes, “Hyung I know you sometimes date other girls while you’re with Crystal  so why don’t you let her have a small affair once huh?” Onew looked at Jjong with a face I hadn’t seen on him since we fought about the time my mother came to visit and I thought it wouldn’t be a good idea for him to meet my mom just yet. He didn’t look away from Jjong and held his stare for a minute and Jjong’s grip got tighter on my hips. Then Onew sighed, “Well I guess I rather it be you then someone I can’t trust and I really have no right to say no when she lets me see Elaine and other girls.” He lifted up his arm and rubbed his neck like it was tense with stress and I could feel Jjong’s grip slowly release from my hip. Onew pulled me away from Jjong who now that he knew he was going to get what he wanted wasn’t scared of handing me back over to my boyfriend. Onew grabbed me up into a loose hug, “I can see you want it too so I won’t try and stop you but….” He raised his head so Jjong could hear his. “I don’t want to see it, hear about it, or walk in on it. Also Jonghyun if I ever see or hear that you hurt her in any way I will KILL YOU and just so you know she is my girlfriend not yours so you don’t get her heart no matter how much you want it that is mine.” Then He grabbed my chin and kissed me hard in front of Jjong shoving his tongue between my lips basically branding me as his with his kiss and it was true my heart was his but there was that something that wanted me to cling to Jjong as well.

                Jjong wasted no time as soon as Jinki let me go he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the club and quickly into a cab. We pulled up to this really nice hotel and he told me to wait in the back   until he got the room key so no one would see us together. I remember not saying very much until he had already pulled me into this huge hotel room and we were standing in the middle of it and he was just staring at me like I was the most delicious thing he had ever laid eyes on. He looked possessed and the way his tongue was slowly sliding out and over his full bottom lip made my knees shake. “Jonghyun why are you just staring at me?” He reached out and twirled a piece of my hair in his fingers, “ I want to do so much but I just don’t know where to start.” As he said those words he moved in closer and closer until his hand was moving the hair away from my neck and his face was closing in on the revealed skin. I let out a nervous breath when I felt the heat of his mouth get closer and closer. He wasn’t gentle with me at all kissing and biting my neck and grabbing at my shoulder holding me tightly in place. My pulse was racing like crazy and behind my eyelids were tiny spots of white moving so fast that my head was feeling dizzy. Moving his hand softly down my arm he licked from the pit of my throat to my chin that’s when my eyes flew open and my previous still self became fully animated. I grabbed the sides of his face and smashed my lips against his diminishing the last centimeters of space between us. He let out a low guttural moan as my hand roamed over his chest feeling it heave under my fingers.

                I never tried to pull dominance with Jinki and always let him do what he wanted with me because I liked seeing him like that all powerful and in control but with Jjong’s amazing lips moving against mine so sinfully I was going to make sure I got to do whatever I wanted with him. Licking along his jaw line I clawed at his shirt mewing like a starving cat. Then I began running my fingers under the hem of his shirt feeling his taunt skin pulled tight over his strong cut hip and then slowly over his stomach that quivered until my fingertips.  Nibbling at his ear I inched his shirt up and heard his breath hitch from the air hitting his exposed skin my thumb trailing along it as I continued to push the material up his sides. When I got it half way off I pulled away from him and he raised his arms as I yanked the shirt off like it was on fire throwing it the floor with intense force then quickly catching a glimpse of his long lean torso before I stared into his eyes with complete hunger and pushed roughly at his shoulders working him backwards shoving him down forcefully onto the huge bed a few feet away. He let out a oomph when his back hit the mattress and he bounced a little until he laid still widening his eyes in surprise at my manhandling.

                I crawled onto the bed straddling his legs pinning his arms to his sides hovering my face over his just staring into his eyes for a few moments the iris’s contracting from the light change. “Shisus Crystal, I didn’t know you were this type of girl.” I chuckled with a cocky attitude, “I’ve never acted like this before so I’m a little surprised in myself. Do you want me to stop or something?” He shook his head violently, “No don’t stop it’s such a complete turn on.” He raised his hips up a bit smirking at me and I quickly got his point, “Well I’m glad you agree because to be honest I wasn’t going to stop even if you told me to.” I lowered my open mouth to his neck scraping my teeth along it with my tongue feeling his veins protrude as he threw his head back giving me even more skin to devour.  He was breathing so hard and wiggling under me impatient but he would just have to deal with it because I was going to do what I wanted first before I let him move from his position. I rubbed my thumb gently over his cheek licking at his lips teasing at them and shivering in delight from the haunting look in his eyes that never seemed to blink. I grabbed his bottom lip softly between my teeth and tugged at it playfully before sighing and giving him the opportunity to shove his tongue in my mouth sliding it along my own and tasting the insides of my cheeks feeling the vibrations of his MMMM tickle my lips.

                I was palming at his stomach running it up to his chest and over his manly shoulder then down to his muscular biceps that I found so devilishly sexy. My fingers were tracing over the dips and bulges of his muscles and I let out a little moan sliding down Jjong further until my lips were over his collar bones my hot breath erratically heating up his hot skin even more. I looked up at Jjong and licked my left canine which caused him to convulse under me and I loved that I could bring that kind of a reaction out of the sexy body that lay under me. I snaked out my tongue wet with spit over his heaving bone following its shape from beginning to end placing a soft kiss in between them while I massaged his sides with my hands kissing down his chest to his stomach.  I could feel his abdominal muscles flexing under my lips and I was leaving long wet trails along the defined lines. He tasted like a mixture of the ocean and chamomile tea and it was so good every time I caught them both blended on my taste buds egging me on to keep exploring though from the way he had started to paw at my shirt since I let his arms go to focus on his sides I could tell his little bit of patience was about to run out with me. He was groaning every time I took long licks down his abs stopping right above his pant line and this time he grabbed my shoulders pulling me up to his face and his features were black with need and I knew then that my own personal fun time worshipping his yummy stomach was over.  “Crystal *huff huff* …please.” He shifted under me and I could now feel his need as much as I could read it in gaze so I wrapped my arms behind his neck giving him a deep kiss sucking on his tongue and then pulled off him whispering low, “I’ll give you just what you need.” Then I reached down and grabbed at his belt unbuckling it then pulling it hard out of its loops and threw it on the floor.

                He pushed himself up on his shoulders and scooted himself back against the top of the bed grabbing at the back of my neck pulling me in for a kiss as my hand laid splayed over his happy trail sliding down to unbutton his jeans that were tight against his hard on. He moaned into my mouth when I popped the button out of its loop and ran my thumb under the waistband of his Dolce & Gabbana Boxer briefs. I gotta say that I couldn’t help but feel my heart skip a few beats when I looked down and saw the lettering peeking out under his opened jeans. It was so just so erotic and sexy that I knew my mouth would be running over them in a matter of moments enjoying nibbling at them even though Jjong would think I was being an unbearable tease.  I moved down and grabbed at the sides of his jeans yanking them down quickly as I had a feeling he would’ve grunted in frustration if I took my time unwrapping the prize inside. He rolled his hips to help me pull them all the way off and I looked up to meet his gaze that was locked in watching my expressions his eyes cloudy and still black. I looked down at his lap lowering my face and slowly dragged my tongue under his waist band capturing it with my teeth pulling them away from his skin slipping my fingers under the sides then kissed his happy trail before I slowly pulled down his D&G’s revealing his beautiful cock. It wasn’t as big as Jinki’s but it was bigger than I thought it was going to be and I had probably been staring at it for more than thirty seconds before Jjong shifted and it moved along with him snapping me out of my trance.  I looked up to see Jjong laid back with his arm over his eyes and his chest heaving like mad, “Fuck Crystal just touch me dammit!” His voice was so breathy and needy and I felt a spark run down my spine urging me to proceed. I knew if I just attacked he’s probably blow his load way too quickly from all my teasing so I went really gentle with him which was the complete opposite of how I usually went about this lurid act.

                I licked slow around the head and felt it twitch while I heard Jjong let out a strangled moan, “uuuuunnn Oh fuuuuuck.” When I wrapped my lips around the tip and softly sucked he gripped at the comforter of the bed and jumped a bit. I pressed my tongue flat against it and sunk it further into my mouth stretching my lips and sucked in with a little more force pulling slow back off it keeping the suction. “Shit! Crystal Holy Fucking Shit!” his loud dirty talk was music to my ears and I started bobbing my head at a medium rhythm rolling my tongue and trying to regulate my breathing out of my nose. After a few more bobs Jjong started to buck his hips into my mouth and pushed my hair out of my face. Until then I had kept my eyes closed concentrating on blowing his amazing junk that was just the right size in mouth warm and throbbing delicious as all hell but I slowed and opened my eyes looking straight into Jjong eyes that were starting at my mouth wrapped around his dick. I smiled with it still in between my lips and then began to hum sending vibrations through my cheeks and tongue straight to him and that sent him groaning and pressing my head down onto him for a few more of his hip thrust into my mouth before he pushed me off holding his chest trying desperately to calm his breathing.

                “You….That bastard gets that on the regular! Why the hell does he go anywhere else but you?” His eyes were wide in disbelief and when I lifted my hand to wipe my mouth of the excess spit. He grabbed me by my shirt and threw me down on the bed pulling it over my head in desperation. “How did you manage to keep all your clothes on this whole time…….No. wait,why the hell did I permit it?” He licked at my neck and shoulder before he grabbed at my pants and pulled them down without even unbuttoning them raking his hands down my thighs and lifting my legs up to get them all the way off before turning to look at me sticking out his tongue and smirking his trademark smirk, “Beautiful, gahh I am so jealous of Jinki right now but hehe he’s not here right now and your all mine for the taking.” He slid along my body his skin hot and wet from a mixture of sweat and my saliva. He pulled down one of my bra straps, “From your earlier performance I can just imagine how good the rest of this is going to be.” This was so like Jonghyun talking too much when he really needed to get down to business. “Jjong just kiss me.” He saw the agitation in my eyes and growled grabbing at my hips and kissing my chest leaving angry marks that I knew Jinki probably wasn’t going to be happy about later but I didn’t much care at the moment. His hands were everywhere along my arms, my shoulders, my legs, my stomach , and tickling at my sides that had me laughing hysterically and crawling up into a ball. “Jonghyun I’m really really ticklish!” he took the opportunity while I was on my side to undo my clasps of my bra and it’s surprised me and I jumped pushing up into a sitting position suddenly face to face to him with my hand holding the little material to my chest suddenly self conscious. He pushed my hand away grabbing the flimsy thing throwing it aside with the rest of the clothing and grabbed at my hips forcefully  and pulled me down flat on the bed with a loud thunk.

                He wasn’t like me, he was frenzied quickly  getting rid of my very last article of clothing and situating himself firmly between my legs dipping his head to taste my soft flesh while running his hands along the skin of my thighs prying them open slowly. As his fingers trailed closer and closer to my center my heart was beating at a million miles an hour and I was holding my breath waiting anxiously for those musically trained fingers to reach their destination. He was huffing violently obviously trying to be gentle with me when he his body so didn’t want to be. His eyes were following his touch and they got wider as he got nearer and nearer. By the time touched me he was shaking and I was so tense watching him that went I felt his hand run over me I cried out in relief. He slowly felt me up and looked up at me as if he needed to know that I was really okay with it. I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly being so cautious with me like I was a virgin and that he was scared he was going to hurt me. “Jjong……” He looked into my eyes with concern looking for any sign of distress which my face had none of so to squash his fears I grabbed his chin and kissed him with intensity grabbing at him and pushing up my hips much like he had done to me earlier. He got the point and smiled moving his hands firmly to my hips and his mouth to my neck and he took in a deep breath as he pushed slowly inside. At first it was uncomfortable but then it became amazing as he slowly started to rock his hips. His lips met my mouth, “god you are so tight almost like a virgin. How the hell……” He didn’t say anything more after that and let his lust take over his actions. I was starting to moan from his delicious movements and that only made him pick up the pace and become so much more grabbier. He pawed at me then pushed my legs back thrusting into me with reckless abandon hissing from the heat and tightness and I withered under him moaning his name as the tingle of being close was spreading throughout my nervous system.  He was huffing above my lips with his eyes closed occasionally whispering my name and how good it felt and then suddenly he changed his angle grabbing firm on my ass and he hit just the right spot and my legs started to shake while my breathing became absolutely ridiculous just before I came all over his dick my muscles clamping and constricting around him driving him to his own orgasm which he pulled out moaning  curses as his cum slid down his arm and fingers. In the glow of my orgasm I got up and wrapped my arms around Jjong ‘s neck and kissed  him like I would never see him again.

                “Crystal…I…mmmf.” I didn’t want him to say something stupid and ruin the moment so I continued to abuse his mouth until I felt the tiredness finally hit me. “Jjong that…that was amazing.” I smiled at him sleepily and then broke away from him grabbing my clothes off the floor and began walking towards the bathroom. “Crystal where are you going?” He looked panicked and confused. I tilted my head to the side, “To take a shower silly I smell like amazing sex, you wanna come too? It’ll save water.” Like a happy puppy he bounced off the bed grabbing his things and followed the sway of my hips into the bathroom.

                That was how we got to where we were and that afternoon we indeed had our weekly fun session before I had started lunch to fill our hungry tummies after the workout.  But I had no idea that a simple thing like cooking Jonghyun chicken and waffles would cause Jinki to become jealous when he didn’t mind me and Jjong going at it like rabbits.

                “Kibummie you have to try it, it was so delicious.”  Jjong was sitting at the kitchen table with Key talking about the chicken and waffles I had made him that afternoon not knowing that Jinki had just sat down in the living room and was within ear shot. 

“I don’t know Hyung fried chicken and waffles doesn’t sound like it would be good together are you sure you just weren’t super hungry from working  off so many calories before hand?” Key was washing dishes with his back to Jonghyun chuckling.

“No that wasn’t it. Like the flavors just worked together like the saltiness of the chicken mixed with the sweet of the waffles was just so good. Crystal is a really good at cooking I love when she cooks for me.”  Jonghyun’s chair was yanked back and Jjong gasped making Kibum drop the dish in hand back into the sink with a clatter. Onew was staring daggers into his eyes, “What did you just say?”

Jonghyun gulped, “Hyung, I didn’t know you were here.” Onew leaned his face in closer to Jjong’s with a even more menacing stare, “You didn’t answer my question. What did you just say about you and my Girlfriend?” Jjong pushed his neck back trying to create more distance between him and Onew who looked like he was about to kill him. “Hyung really it’s no big deal I was just talking about lunch.” Onew hung his head sighing, “Lunch that my girlfriend made you, lunch that you ate with her after you fucked her, which apparently you have been telling Kibum about?”  

Jjong knew he was in deep shit now. He knew he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone and he defiantly wasn’t supposed to talk about it with Onew around. “Hyung, I swear I won’t say anything else anymore okay. Just calm down you were cool about this remember.” Onew shook his head, “Don’t worry there won’t be a next time because I won’t let you see her anymore.” Jjong eyes got wide and he pushed back his chair and got up, “Hyung you can’t do that!” 

Onew looked at Jjong’s agitated face and lifted his eyebrow, “Of course I can she is my girlfriend and I turned a blind eye to it because she turns a blind eye to me and Elaine but I can’t do it anymore not if clearly you seem to have feelings for her that I said from the beginning you could never get.”  Jjong bit at his bottom lip clearly found out, “I’m not going to give her up unless she wants to give me up, she’s one of my best friends.” Onew rubbed his eyes, “A best friend you’re in love with but already has a boyfriend. Sorry Jjong but it ends now.”

Jjong was now pissed off because even though Onew was my Boyfriend didn’t mean he could keep him from having feelings for me, “That is something I had no control over and she doesn’t know about it so I don’t see the problem in letting me at least stay friends with her.” Jinki shook his head no, “If you don’t let go now it’ll just be worse for you later.” Jjong balled up his fists, “what about her huh are you just going to say, Oh crystal you can’t see Jonghyun anymore cause well cause I say so. Don’t you think she’s not gonna be cool with that? I’m her best friend are you seriously taking away her best friend.”  Jinki turned and walked to get his hand phone from the couch turning to Jjong, “I’ll persuade her to deal with it.”

-------------------------------------------------------End of Part One-------------------------------------------------------------